Lace Cuffs
by Riddelly
Summary: Haru, distraught by his breakup with Rin, seeks a new partner in the reluctant Momiji. But the ox soon desperately runs away, and the others realize they need Rin's help to find him and bring him back. Momiji/Tohru, Haru/Momiji
1. Prologue

PROLOGUE

There's a girl there, I know it's a girl, but I can't see her face. I cock my head slightly, watching her stumble along clumsily. She seems to be in quite a hurry to get somewhere, though the best I can tell is that she's heading straight towards my chair, and I know that there's no reason that a girl would be heading for me with her arms full of junk. Or at least that, if there was, Papa would tell me to get moving as soon as possible. I'm comfortable, though, sprawled across this chair in Papa's work building, glitzy sunglasses perched on my nose and a chocolate bar in my hand. Not the average hangout for a 15-year-old boy, but, then, I've never been all that average.

The moment I was born, Mama took me in her arms and I promptly changed into a rabbit.

It's not like I knew any better! I can't control when I transform, and neither can the other twelve members of the Chinese zodiac. We're possessed by the spirits of the zodiac animals, see. It's a strange life, I'm sure, what with having to avoid girls in order to keep in human form and all, but the only one any of us have ever known.

Well, not really. I remember a time before now, a time that was also there for Kyo, a time that is still there for most everyone else. Back when I had a real Mama. She never loved me, I suppose, and she'd always hide from me, avoiding the "monstrosity" that had come out of her body. I didn't realize how hated I was. Papa never hated me. But she did. I made friends, Kagura, Ritsu, and most significantly Hatori, but still, a mama is a thing that you can't really replace. The pain grew inside me until I hated myself for all of it, for being born, for hurting her. I wanted her to be happy. But it wasn't until I overheard a conversation she had with Hatori, years after my birth, that my mama went from hating me to not knowing me.

I remember very distinctly standing at the door, the feel of the smooth wooden floor under my bare feet and the murmurs outside—I think it was that crusty old maid of Akito's talking to someone, or herself, even—but I hardly remember the words that Mama spoke. All I know is that they were about me. About how she hated me. About how she wished I had never been born. And, perhaps most clearly of all, I can recall the absolute unreality of it. My mama didn't just hate me. She didn't want me. She didn't want a son. Didn't want a baby to take care of and nurture. But she had never told me that, no one had. I was condemned to hearing it at Hatori's door, when I was supposed to be in bed.

I looked down at my hands, to see if her words really were ripping apart my body and letting all the blood run out onto the wooden floor. But they were still small and perfect, unblemished, trembling, with the little lace cuffs of my pajamas too tight around the wrists. The lace was strangling me, just like Mama's words. I grabbed at it, trying to stop, to deny, to hop away like the happy little rabbit was supposed to, escaped from danger once more. But I couldn't, because the words would be there, too, the emotions carried in the few syllables that were making their way through my clouded mind.

"_I wish…monster…never…"_

I didn't cry. I wasn't sad, because there was no sadness left inside of me. There was nothing. No Momiji Sohma. Only emptiness, strangled to nothingness by the too-small lace cuffs.

I don't remember Mama leaving, either, but I do remember Hatori standing at the doorway, gazing down on me shaking in my threadbare pajamas. I'd thought he was so tall, but looking back, he had been young, too young to have to deal with everything. Just like me.

He bent down to his knees and reached out to steady me, his pale hands on my skinny shoulders.

"Momiji," he whispered, his pale violet eyes clear and focused, "you have to let her go. You have to let her be happy. You have to let _yourself _be happy."

Then, I did cry.

Hatori took me in his arms, and I nestled up to him, sobbing into his white shirt, trying to hide from everything. And he tried to cover me up, I know, tried with all of his dragon's strength to keep me from the truth that I already know. I had no sense of what uncomfortable closeness was, and at the moment, neither did he. So I just crushed myself closer to him, as if he could open up into a portal to a different world, where I could have lived with a loving mama who didn't ask for her memories to be erased, where I hadn't been born possessed by an animal that I could never control, where I wasn't bound, more than anything, by Akito, the creator, the one to blame, the God.

He pressed his lips to my tousled blond hair and murmured quietly, "Momiji, it's okay. I'm so sorry, and I know this will be hard, but we'll make it through together, okay? I promise you. We'll make it. The curse is breaking soon, I know it is, and when it's all over, your mama will want more than anything to see you and hold you and love you. I swear. No matter what, it will be okay, and someday she'll want you again. Meanwhile, you'll just have to find another person to help you through this."

The girl in front of me drops her things with a small shriek of surprise and a hurried, "Oh, no!"

At last, her face is revealed. She's pretty, but not overly so, just a sweet face with wide blue eyes and shiny, well-kept chestnut hair. Another girl. Another one I have to stay away from.

Then my eyes flicker down to the ID card among the things she dropped. There she is on it, smiling like the sun itself is inside of her, next to the neatly printed 本田 透.

_Tohru Honda._

I look back up at her anxious face, so different from the beaming one on the card. So this is her. This is Honda.

I feel the lace begin to unwind.


	2. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

"Momiji, what do you think of Honda-san?"

I look over at Haru, surprised. He's perched on his couch, gangly arms wrapped around his knees, gazing somewhere into the distance. I drop the Xbox controls that I'm holding and consider his question. "She's great. I mean, really nice and all. What's not to like?"

He sighs, and his dark brown eyes slowly slide down to meet mine. "That's what you say about everyone, Miji-kun. I'm asking about her. Do you think she's pretty?"

Absolutely. "Yeah, 'course. Don't you?"

He shrugs and leans back, resting his head on a pillow. "I s'pose. Well, yes. In an endearing way. Not beautiful. Not like Rin."

Rin. Of course he's talking about Rin. I try to push Tohru and her happy grin to the back of my mind, focusing on Haru and his thoughts of Isuzu Sohma, the Horse of the zodiac. "You love her," I state.

"Not Tohru," he replies honestly. "I like her, but she's not meant for me. Kyo, probably, even Yuki. Not me."

Not me, either, then. "I don't mean Tohru," I say simply.

"Rin." He nods slightly. "Of course. I only wish it was returned, though."

"It is," I promised, leaning back against the couch. "Really, it is. I promise."

His dark eyes focus on me, flashing with the burden of his bovine possession. "How do you know? She broke up with me, Momiji. Here I thought that we really had something, knew that we really had something, and now it's gone—only not. I can still feel it, just out of reach. I know our relationship is reparable, but…" He falls silent.

I regard him curiously. "Are you okay? You know she'll come back to you eventually, right? The only thing keeping you two apart-"

"Is Akito." His eyes burn with a trace of his 'black' side. "It's all his fault. When this is over…" He suddenly springs off the couch, pupils shrunken to tiny pinpricks, eyes gleaming maniacal silver. "I'll kill him!" he yells. "I'll kill that son of a bitch!"

"Haru."

It's too late. He's gone black. "What, you little puss? Little bunny rabbit? You think you can stop me? Well, you can't! I don't care, this curse will break, we all feel it, Shigure even admits it! And when it does, that Akito, that- that demon will be dead!"

"It's not Akito's fault," I say quietly.

"What?"

"Akito can't control it. It's not his fault that he was born like this any more than it's your fault or mine. Any more than it's Rin's."

He suddenly seems to wilt, to collapse a bit into himself. His form slumps back to the couch. "I'm too weak," he whispers, staring at his hands, eyes wide and dark again. "I can't save her. I don't have the strength…I'm just the stupid ox. Outwitted by the rat. Always a step behind."

I shrug and try to lighten the mood. "Hey, Yuki outwitted us all. You're lucky to be in second place. Look at me; I'm behind you two and Kisa."

He doesn't smile. "Yuki," he says instead.

I wait for more, but there's none. "Yeah?" I prompt.

"He's…"

I wait for another moment, then turn away with a small smile on my face. "Rin's not the only one with faults, Haa-kun. You're not a hundred percent devoted."

"Of course I am!" he retorts immediately. "It's just…well, you know. They're different. Really different."

"Right, whatever."

"Momiji." His voice is hard, suddenly, serious. "I think Rin's cheating on me."

I'm so shocked by this statement that I hardly recognize the fact that this is impossible, seeing as they aren't exactly going out. "With who?"

He doesn't twitch, doesn't flush, just replies shortly and abruptly. "Sensei."

I let out air, slowly relaxing. "Shigure."

"Yeah."

Haru thinks that Rin is going out with Shigure. Talk about sudden. I let out a strangled laugh. "Well, he's certainly not going to try and deny it, whereas she absolutely will."

"I know," he groans, clearly pained.

I fidget, trying to think of something to say. "Why do you think that?"

He slowly extends a hand into the air in front of him. "It's like…she's hiding something from me, obviously, and when he gives her that look…" He flips the hand around. "She tosses it right back at him."

"If all they're doing is giving each other the look, then there's no emotion behind it. Trust me, Haa-kun, Rin wouldn't give you up for the world."

"But she's angry at me. I think that's the problem. She's trying to piss me off and make me jealous by going out with him."

I know Haru well enough to predict what's coming up. "Well, who are you planning to go out with, then?"

"You."

I let the shock run straight through me, not resisting, so that it's invisible. "Me. Come on, why?"

He shrugs. "Well, Kisa and Hiro are too young, Ayame's too infuriating, Hatori's too straight, Kyo would never agree, I'm not particularly close to Ritsu or Kagura, Akito wouldn't let me near Kureno, dating someone outside the zodiac is impossible, and Yuki…"

I understand. "You like Yuki-kun too much. You'd be with him for real."

"Right." He glances up at me. "So, what do you say?"

The truth was, I didn't know what to say. I wasn't exactly opposed to going out with Haru, especially if it wasn't exactly for real, and I was already used to snide "gay" remarks thanks to the way I dressed and all. My only real concern was that it might get in the way of our friendship. And, of course, there was Tohru. But that didn't matter, because I didn't exactly have a chance of getting her, anyway. I want to help Haru. I have to help Haru.

"Sure," I say. "Of course."

He smiles a little, leans forward and kisses me very softly. It's nice, actually, and doesn't feel awkward at all. I let him run his hand through my hair gently, then he pulls back. "Thanks, Miji-kun," he grins.

"Right, of course," I repeat, partly exhilarated and partly crushed. What about Tohru? I think simply. But that isn't what I should be concerned with. Tohru has Yuki and Kyo. Heck, she has Shigure, unless the thing about Rin is true. Anyhow, I'm the last person she needs complicating her love life. She doesn't need me, but Haru does. So I'll just have to push myself aside once more and plow on cheerfully. It's my job; the Sohmas don't have enough joy in their lives. I can only hope that I've helped Haru on the way to his.

He sits back and picks up his Xbox controls again. "Excellent, that's cleared up. Shall we celebrate with me trumping your ass on Halo?"

I forge a smile, bending to retrieve mine. "Yeah, good luck with that."


	3. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

"Momiji-san!"

Tohru's voice always does something strange to me. It courses through my bloodstream, creeps to the edges of every tiny little vein, and then heats up, until it's the most pleasant sensation imaginable. Well, if Haru's not as big a liar as I suspect, then maybe not the most pleasant, but…whatever.

"Tohruuu!" I cry happily, hopping up in the air a little as I spin around to face her. She's standing there with the Goth and the Yankee, holding an armful of books that looks about six spines too tall. I dart over and easily take half the pile, resulting in a glare from the tall blonde. I grin at her, and she smirks back.

"Hey, Momiji."

"Hi, Uo-chan!"

The Goth, Saki Hanajima-chan, rests one pale, black-nailed hand on my shoulder. "Momiji-san," she purrs, her dark eyes boring into mine. She looks a bit concerned. "You have troubled waves about you. Is all well?"

Crap. This is about Haru. "Yeah, yeah, all fine. Of course. How are you?"

"Quite well…"

"Give him a break, Hana," Uo chortles, running a hand through her thick hair. Hana steps back, those night-colored eyes still running over my body, fingers twisting her long black braid. A bit disconcerted, I readily turn my attention back to Tohru, who's still smiling in her totally naïve way.

"How are you, Momiji-san?" she asks, her blue eyes wide and bright.

"Great! You?"

"I'm fine," she laughs.

I glance down at the books in my arms. "Quite a load you're carrying around."

"Oh—yes, they're for studying with Yuki-kun. He's been really great, I think I'll really get a good grade on the exams this semester!"

"Of course you will," Hana murmurs soothingly, placing a hand on Tohru's glossy head. I realize with a start that the Goth girl has lace cuffs. Black, intricate lace bordering her slender white hand. The night, that night, creeps into the back of my mind, and I desperately shove it away. I can't concentrate on that. Tohru is here. Tohru is what's important right now.

"Momiji-san?" she asks uneasily, detecting the lurking fear at the back of my mind.

I look up quickly, sweeping a grin onto my face. "Yeah?"

"Oh…nothing, I guess." The concern vanishes from her face like a soft gust of wind. Uo rolls her eyes and smirks at me, draping a long arm around Tohru's neck, but I keep my eyes on Hanajima. Her deep violet, seemingly pupil-less irises are fixated on my face. She knows something's up, and I know that she knows, and she knows that I know that she knows…

Momiji! You're in public. Keep yourself bright. Stay upbeat. It's the rabbit talking to me, as he often does, berating me and forcing me to keep my head up and my eyes light. He doesn't seem to understand that, if not for him, I would always be that way. I sigh inwardly, trying to think of what Tohru would expect me to do. "Do you guys have plans for tonight?" I ask finally, hoping to get a chance to spend more time with her.

"Other than the hour and a half for studying, none," she says cheerfully. The warm spring air blows by in another breeze, lifting her straight brown hair off her shoulders and getting it in her eyes. As much as I want to focus on her, my gaze drifts once more towards Hanajima, whose dark locks remain eerily in place, only a couple of strands marring her clear gaze. I swear that I can sense a thin scream on the air, just out of hearing range, and that it lingers in her midnight eyes, haunting me with its chilling tone. The air suddenly seems a few degrees too cold, and every inch of my skin is tingling, alert.

So, naturally, it's a shock when a none-too-delicate hand places itself firmly on my shoulder. I jump with a little yelp, dropping the books, and Uotani bursts out laughing. I turn just in time for Haru to kiss me gently, drawing me into him with long arms. The laughing dies down, and I, pressed against Haru's chest, can feel the tension in the air behind me. I turn hurriedly, keeping a grip on his thin but strong wrist. Uo seems to be standing back slightly, one hip cocked, eyebrows in her hair, and Hana's face is impenetrable as usual, but it's Tohru I'm worried about. She gapes openly for a couple of moments, then covers it up with an amazingly dark blush and a slight, shameful glisten in her eyes.

"What's your problem?" Haru asks belligerently, directing the question at Uo. She shakes her head in amazement.

"You didn't strike me as a fag."

"Uo-chan!" Tohru protests vehemently. Uotani raises her hands before her in a defensive position, seemingly holding back a laugh.

"Hey, hey, I don't mean to be insulting or anything. Just saying, it came out of nowhere."

"Are you sure about that?" Hanajima asks coolly, her eyes moving down the skirted girl's school uniform that I don, then shifting to Haru's spiky punk attire.

"Well…no. Not really, no."

"Uo, Hana…" Tohru whimpers. I can tell she's taking this hard.

"It doesn't mean anything," I find myself saying in my desperation not to make a bad impression on her. "We're not…that is…um…" I struggle for words, becoming more frantic by the moment. This isn't right! She's never seen me like this, I'm not supposed to be like this—what's happening?

"What Momiji is trying to say," Haru cuts in smoothly, "is that we are not fags, purely bisexuals. Like one of you, I'd guess. It's more common than you think, but some people are more ready to show it."

"I've had interest in females before," Hana offers quietly.

Oh, God. This is not right. Tohru is becoming more mortified by the moment, and, I have to say, so am I. Why did Haru have to appear with her around?

"I have an idea," I cut in. "Let's all go get some ice cream!"

Haru and the girls all look down at me. "Random," Uotani finally snorts.

I shrug. "It's yummy, and it's also a good way to celebrate spring, right?"

The Yankee smirks and pumps her fist. "You got it. Ice cream! On you, though, blondie."

"'Kay!" Despite my careless response, though, I can't resist a pointed glance at her own creamy hair. She just raises her penciled eyebrows and tugs a cloth mask up over the bottom half of her face.

"Oh, not the mask again, Arisa," Hana sighs. It would seem that she's completely unaware of the tension permeating the air, though I'm almost positive it's the other way around. "I thought your gang days were over."

"They are," Uotani snaps back, her voice slightly muffled by the thin fabric. "I have damn allergies!"

"Wait a moment," says Haru, gripping my shoulder. The three girls and I all look at him, surprised at his serious tone. "Just…wait. Momiji…" He turns and hurries off, pulling me, still gripping his wrist, with him.

"Haru? What's up?" I ask as he whisks me across the plaza.

Instead of giving me a direct answer, he begins mumbling. "It's like I'm hungry—I don't understand, I never thought…it was for who she was, it is, but…I need your help! Just until I can get her back, I need a substitute—not just a fake, either, a…stand-in…" He spins me around suddenly, pinning me against a brick wall, his eyes shining darkly. "It's like I'm a goddamn vampire!" he wails. "It's…Momiji…" Every movement he makes is short and strong, and I know he's edging his way towards Blackness. "I don't feel alive without her. I can't have her. I can't make myself have her. So just, please, pretend…I- Momiji, I think I'm going crazy…"

He's starting to scare me. "Es ist alles in Ordnung, Haru! Entspannen!"

"Will you help me?" he asks simply, teetering on the brink.

I stare into his eyes, breathing heavily.

"Yes. Of course."

His breath rushes out, and his eyes go stormy gray as he releases himself. Next thing I know, I, the frail rabbit, am being pulled and shoved into this little building by the big ox, and I'm afraid, because this isn't the Haru I know—this is Black Haru, and I'm in no position to calm him down.

The wall is cold against my thin back, but Haru's breath is hotter than hell. I feel it against my lips, entering my throat, suffocating me. My left arm is pinned above my head by the wrist, while the other hangs limply, unable to resist. But, I realize as Haru's dark eyes come closer, I don't want to resist, really. This is…good. It feels good to have his weight pushing me against the wall and his warm scent bathing my sinuses. I slump down a little, completely giving in as he presses his lips to mine. Without delay, his tongue slides between mine, and it feels so amazing, all I can do is push back, embrace the heat, create more. My dangling hand rises slowly to touch his soft white hair, then slip down his neck, his back, until it's down his shirt, right behind his heart, and I can feel it beating loud and strong through the muscle. Is this what Rin feels whenever she and he are alone together? If so, I think I might be jealous. I worry I'm jealous. No, I don't worry; I'm blissful right now, and there's nothing to think about except for him. Haru.

He bends down to his knees so that I have to tilt my head down to continue the kiss, and then I slowly slide down until I'm on the floor, both hands free now and grasping his shoulders, face, neck. As one unit, we fall slowly to the cold floor.

And come to our senses.

I blink, seeing Haru's once more pale eyes an inch from my. We both scramble back, shocked into reality by the icy linoleum.

"Momiji?" he asks uncertainly, looking lost.

I shake my head, slowly standing and looking around. We're in the boys' bathroom, and, luckily, it's abandoned. I extend my hand and he takes it. We help each other up slowly, carefully, looking around.

"Oh, God, Momiji," he stammers, paling.

I shake my head. "No, it's fine. It's fine."

"I couldn't help…" His long legs fold and then he's back on the floor again, staring at his trembling hands, looking mortified. "Momiji, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry…"

"Don't be. Please," I beg. "I said it was okay. I said you could do whatever. You told me…it was to make up for Rin not being here. Just as a substitute, I guess."

He shakes his head, and I can tell that nothing's getting through to him. "You're not Rin. I should be able to control myself…"

"Momiji-san! Hatsuharu-san!" comes a high voice from outside.

Tohru.

"I'll get 'em," Uotani's voice growls. "They can't hide in there."

Haru stares frantically into my eyes, looking pitiful and very, very helpless. And I know that, despite my similar feelings, I need to help him once more.

I hear the clacking of the Yankee's heels around the corner, and hurriedly dash out of the bathroom, mustering optimism.

"Come on, Uo-chan!" I urge. "Ice cream, ice cream!"

Her blue eyes narrow above that mask, unfazed by my level of hyperactivity. "Where's Haru?"

Crap. "He wasn't feeling good," I improvise brightly, "so he's gonna stay in there for a while, and I'll go back and get him later."

"Is Hatsuharu-san all right?" Tohru cries anxiously from outside.

Dragging Uotani with me, I trudge outside to where Tohru and Hanajima are waiting. "He's fine," I promise. "Just a little nauseated. I think he has spring allergies, too," I add on a whim, nodding towards Uo-chan.

She looks concerned. "Do we need to call Hatori-san? But he's so busy, I don't want to…but Hatsuharu-san…" She's already beginning to look frazzled.

"Tohru, it's okay," I laugh. Just being around her brightens me up again, distracts me from the whole confusing kiss with Haru. Now I feel embarrassed just thinking about it, and overall confused. Do I or don't I like him? Well, I know I like him, as a friend and all, but as for the other aspect…I was happy, wasn't I, in that moment when nothing else mattered? Or would it be that way with anyone? It was for Haru, all this that I was doing, for Haru and Rin. But was it really? Was our façade turning into something more real?

It's all in your head, Momiji, I told myself. Enjoy your time with Tohru.

After all, it never lasts long.


	4. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

-HARU-

Haru stayed on the floor for a long time, pondering. Thinking about Momiji and Rin, mulling them over in my head, until they seemed to be a single unit. MomijiRin. The thing, the person he loved. He fingered the looped cross that he wore around his neck, his fingers sliding down the pewter. He'd given a necklace identical to this one to Rin the day she broke up with him. He could remember the look on her face that morning, stress and anxiety slipping aside for a moment, to be replaced with that sweet, girlish delight that she'd only reveal to those she loved.

"_I love it, Haru! It's wonderful! You made it yourself, didn't you?"_

"_Yup. 'Course."_

"_It's amazing."_

And then her perfect laugh, a brief kiss.

Three hours later, it happened. She did it. Left.

Forever.

Haru sighed slowly, dropped the necklace, and gripped his head in his hands. How had it happened? She'd seemed so happy that morning. And then, what was it that he'd done, dragging Momiji into it all? Momiji was young for his age, probably didn't really understand it—the pain he felt, that tormented him like a burning thirst. Longing for the feel of Rin's silky hair, the glint of her dark yes, the brush of her soft lips—

_No. _He couldn't think about that. Not now. Who was he kidding with all this jealousy business? Rin had moved on. And if it was Shigure that she'd chosen over him, then that was her concern. Maybe he could never move on, but there was no need to try and win her back. That time of his life was over.

That alone was hard enough to accept. But everything with Momiji…

How could he have done this? Convinced Momiji, innocent little Momiji, to go out with him, and then… _kissed _him… in the boys' bathroom, in the middle of the afternoon, out of the blue, on school grounds…

The more he thought about it, the worse it got, until the very idea made Haru nauseous. Honda-san had said something about calling Hatori, but that wasn't what he needed. It was…Rin. He needed Rin. But never…he couldn't…she was _gone. _He had to accept that, if he wanted her to live happily, without his shadow lingering over her horizon.

A few hours later, Momiji came back in. Not all the way, just enough so that his silhouette was clear against the growing twilight outside. "Haru?" he asked tentatively.

Haru didn't move. "Is Honda-san there?" he asked simply.

"Nope. They all went home." A pause. "And now it's time for us to."

"I'm going to stay here tonight, Momiji," Haru stated, the thought coming into existence only as he spoke it.

"Haru…" the little rabbit pleaded, an edge of begging creeping into his not-yet-matured voice.

"No. I'm staying here."

He stepped fully inside, so that his small, round face and golden curls were cast into sharp relief in the dirty light. His brown eyes glinted with a premature determination, the only thing that made him more than a rather thin cherub. "Haru, you need to come."

"_No. _I said no, now will you just piss off?" he asked, beginning to get angry.

Before he could say another word, Momiji stumbled forward, bending down, kissing Haru's protesting mouth so that the desperate "_no_" turned into a long, low sigh. This boy, days younger than Haru himself, was so much to him. Not as much as Rin—not even close—and not as much as Yuki, but still a lot. A whole hell of a lot.

He pulled away after what must have been about three seconds, chocolate eyes surprisingly focused. "Now," he said, "we need to get you-"

This time, Haru was the one to shut _him_ up, pulling him back, kissing him with all the energy he had or ever could have. He wasn't Black, just desperate. He knew that it was pathetic of him to be using Momiji like this, as a tool to block out Rin, but he was so frantic that it was the only thing to do. It worked brilliantly, blocking out everything, so that there was nothing to do, nothing to think about doing.

_This must be what drugs are like, _he thought drowsily, several minutes later, sprawled on the floor with Momiji next to him. _Nothing that you'll ever love like real life, but something to block out unwanted emotions. Numbing shit that's better than pain…sickly sweet in place of savory, in order to get rid of the sour. _But it would only morph into pure sickliness afterwards, without the sweet. Still, if he kept it up forever, then it would never be a problem. Always the numbing sweetness, always….nothing more…

"No," Momiji said simply, stumbling to his feet.

Haru's eyes focused on the rabbit boy's small, uncharacteristically serious face. Like before, he felt a horrible wrenching sensation in his stomach and struggled to contain it. "I'm so sorry," he began to stammer, then stopped. _No more. _Rin's leaving had done something to him, something that he wasn't going to make others suffer for. He swallowed, gazed into Momiji's soft brown eyes, then took the small boy's face in his hands and kissed the forehead gently, then the lips, quickly, sparingly, before dropping his hands and stumbling up.

Haru turned away from the boy he cared about so much, feeling the Blackness coming on and welcoming it. Doubts, thoughts of Rin, Momiji, Yuki, and Akito, fled his mind, giving way to blinding fury at himself and the world.

"No, Haru, stop!" Momiji protested.

"Shut up, rabbit kid," he snarled, not looking back. Before the uncontrollability faded, he dashed to the one dirty window above the sink, and, with a single, powerful punch, knocked the glass out. Momiji was protesting, and blood was streaming down Haru's hand, but he didn't feel either pain. All that mattered, the functional part of his mind recognized, was that he got out of there before turning White again. He sprang up on the sill and jumped out, right into the flashlight beam of a night guard.

"You stop right there, punk. You're coming with me."

"Am I now?" Haru growled.

Then the guard saw the dark fury in the boy's eyes and the blood soaking his clothes. Unwelcome fear coursed through his slightly overweight body, and he licked his already moist lips, reaching for his walkie-talkie, but before he could press the button to transmit his voice to a rescuer, the boy lunged at him. There was a flash of red and then nothing.

Leaving the unconscious guard on the ground behind him, Haru darted over to the fence, swinging over it. He was starting to feel his hand again, which was a sign of his returning Whiteness, and knew that he had to move quickly if he wanted to get away from Momiji by then. He sprinted to his bike, slapped his leather riding gloves on over his bloody hands and his tinted goggles over his angry eyes, and started off, moving at an absurdly fast pace for the thin bicycle. His breathing was heavy, and the redness in his mind was slowly fading into wisps, and his throat was constricting, while tears struggled to escape the burning heat of his eyes.

_No. Stay cool. Stay calm, if you can't stay angry. You have to do this. For her._

Akito would almost certainly send after him as soon as he found out about this, but Haru didn't care. That son of a bitch would never catch him. He just had to keep going, to get away from it all. If he was completely out of the picture, things would get better for Rin _and _Momiji. All the people that he'd selfishly pulled into this mess would be released. As for him…everything would fade, after a while.

Everything except for Rin, but that was okay. It was better that way.

Car horns, angry lights, and eventually even sirens attempted to hinder his progress, but he ignored them, plowing on.

And that was how, in the middle of the night, Hatsuharu Sohma escaped.


	5. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

_Tick. Tick. Tick. _

Murmurs, instructions from the Sensei, a groan of displeasure from behind me.

And _tick, tick, tick _of the stupid clock.

I stare hard into the wood of my desk, willing it to shift and move at my silent command, to show that I still have some power in the world. But it doesn't. It just sits there innocently, unperturbed by that infuriating clock.

_Tick. Tick. Tick._

"Sohma-san!" the sensei barks. After a moment of delay, I slowly look up to meet his narrow-eyed glare.

"What?" I ask dully. Hardly any sound comes out; he probably has to read my lips.

"The answer." When my blank stare continues, his lip curls. "To the _problem_, Sohma?"

I blink. "What problem?"

There's a bout of whispering from the girls around me, until Sensei raps his ruler against the chalkboard. They're surprised, probably, that cheery little Momiji Sohma-kun is suddenly acting so down. _If only you knew, _I think, _that I'm under a curse, and that I kissed Haru multiple times, and that he ran away from all of us and is out there somewhere now, depressed, probably injured, very likely going to die before we can find him…if we ever find him…because, of course, there's also the possibility that he'll just stay out there forever, that...I'll never see him again…._

Tears rise up inside of me, but I push them down, because I'm the bouncy rabbit and it's my job to do so. "I wasn't listening," I repeat boldly. Let him see that there's another side to me, a serious side. I don't care anymore.

Sensei opens his mouth to say something, but just then the bell trills and we're free. I stare him in the eyes for a few seconds, daring him to keep me late, but he just turns to a stack of papers on his desk. I sigh, grab the satchel under my desk, and start briskly for the door.

"Momiji-kun!" a giggling girl squeals, stepping in front of me. "You were so cute just now! Omigawd, the defiance? _Loved _it! _So _kawaii!"

_Please just let me get home. Please. _But, of course, I have to act like this girl and the rest of them are used to me acting, because, much as I may wish it otherwise, they don't know about Haru and me and everything that's happened between us in the last few days.

I laugh instead of crying, because it seems a decent substitute. "You really think so? Sensei looked really funny when I said I wasn't listening!"

Soon, there's a crowd around me, and I have to hold back tears more and more. Light, heat, and voices are pressing in on me, threatening to take over. I push through them in a weird, cheerful way, so they get the impression that I'm happy but rushed. Eventually they let up, just in time for me to dart down the front steps of school and trip on the stupid pencil that someone left out.

I fly forward almost spectacularly, bracing myself for the jarring impact of pavement. But, instead, I'm caught by a small, dark-haired boy around twelve or thirteen.

He steps back, looking at me curiously with familiar large, dark violet eyes. I stare back for a second, shocked, until a pale hand lays itself on the boy's shoulder and I'm looking at Saki Hanajima.

"Hana-chan!" I exclaim. "Is this—then-," I stammer uncertainly, gazing at the boy.

"My brother?" she offers in that creepy, cool manner.

"Megumi Hanajima," he says softly.

God, they have the _exact same voice. _

"Um, hi," I stammer, almost laughing at the ridiculousness of it all. "…How are you two doing?"

"Quite well, really," Hana murmurs, staring at a point over my left shoulder. Her positive outlook, if you can call it that, unsettles me a little, because I'm reminded by it how _not _well I am.

_Haru…_

"Saki," Megumi says quietly, "aren't you going to tell him about Tohru-kun?"

"Oh, yes." Her dark eyes move down to fix on mine. "Momiji, Tohru's looking for you."

"Really?" I ask hopefully. "Where is she?"

Her eyes flicker in one direction, then turn back to me. "Over there," she murmurs, tilting her head slightly in the opposite direction of the one she was just looking.

I frown slightly, noticing the odd switch-up. "All…all right." I wave to Hana and Megumi, who just gaze back calmly, shiver a little, and start off in the direction she indicated.

I'm headed for a rather deserted corner of the school grounds, but I don't see any Tohru. The farther I go, the more confused I am. Was Hana wrong? Tohru isn't the type to hang around alone. Come to think of it, why wasn't she with Hana herself? And what about…

"…_Arisa…_"

The voice springs chills up my arms; it's so low and gentle, like brushing fingers against skin with the lightest of weights. It's a male speaking, I know that, and I feel like I vaguely recognize the voice, but who…?

I'm not used to this voice being quiet. I'm used to it loud. Angry.

_Oh, God. No, no, no. Oh my God. No way. It can't…_

I turn very slowly to the shadows behind the exact same boys' bathroom that Haru and I were in the other day, and see them there, in profile.

I've never seen Kyo's face so gentle, looking as if a single feather would destroy the sweet expression that looks so odd on him. He seems a little awkward, too, as if he's not quite sure if he's holding Arisa Uotani the right way. But she seems perfectly happy with his hands on her waist and hers on his neck, gazing easily into his eyes, looking truly blissful through the thin curtain of pale blond hair than always covers part of her face.

I feel so overwhelmed I may combust.

Disjointed thoughts run through my mind. Kyo and Uotani. It's ridiculous. Insane. It's not _right. _Is it possible?

The questioning of possibility reminds me of another chilling thing that isn't right here.

They're _hugging. _

Kyo is human.

And I'm sure as hell that Arisa's female.

_The curse…_

I find myself backing away, unthinking. The curse—it isn't affecting Kyo. He's _not transforming. _His curse is broken. It's broken, and he's so wrapped up in _Uotani, _of all people, that he doesn't even seem to notice.

Hana directed me here intentionally, I realize. She knew. Somehow, she knew. Chills run through me until I begin to twitch spasmodically. How is this possible? How can Kyo be free? And then there's the other question, which, for me, is just as pushing:

Why is he with Uo-chan?

I thought Kyo and Tohru were together. All this time, I was sure that he was the one keeping me from her. But I just saw him about to kiss her best friend, so it can't be possible. Does that mean…is he…is _she_…unclaimed? Open? _Single? _

"Momiji-kun, there you are!"

She, Tohru, runs up to me, her arms full of another sizable stack of books. Willingly, I take half, then smile hugely, hopping slightly up and down. I can't say it's all an act; I'm joyous about my discovery of Kyo's apparent relationship with Uo.

_Thank you, Saki Hanajima-san._

_You're very welcome…_

I swear I can hear the whispery response to my unspoken gratitude, but ignore it. Though Haru still weighs me down, I feel lighter than I have since that time playing Halo at his house. Kyo's curse is broken, and Tohru is closer to being mine.

She grins, blushing endearingly. "I'm so glad I ran into you! I told Hana-chan to look for you, but I didn't know if she found you or not…anyway, Shigure-san had the idea to host a sort of party tonight at his house, a sort of family reunion, and I was wondering if you wanted to come! Everyone's going to be there, Yuki-kun and Kyo-kun and Kagura-san and Hiro-chan and Kisa-chan and Ritchan-san and Ayame-san and Hatori-san and-"

I carefully set my books down as she rambles on, then stand up and watch her smiling. I feel wild, like there's nothing to stop me from doing whatever I want to. So I reach out and caress her face gently, brushing my hand over her warm lips and feeling the startled breath rush out between my fingers. It's a delicate, delicate pleasure, but amazingly so. The blush on her cheeks gets deeper, and I touch them softly, feeling the heated skin.

"Of course I'll come," I murmur, gazing up into her blue eyes, knowing that she isn't used to seeing me like this, but also knowing that she's in no way opposed to it.

Then, smiling slightly, I bend back down, retrieve the books, and am chattering rapidly about school to her bemused face by the time I'm standing again. We start towards the home that she shares with Shigure, Yuki, and Kyo, and I feel like I could get up and fly.

Let her wonder.


	6. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

It's nice to walk home with Tohru, because what with Yuki, Kyo, Uo, and Hana, I rarely get to see her anymore. As I watch her lips move and her eyes sparkle, it reminds me how much I really love her. I have more feelings for her than Kyo, I'm now positive. He's never been anything more than a friend to her, or if he was, that's over now. The knowledge makes me smile a little through the whole walk. I feel good, really good, but there's still Haru. I haven't forgotten about him, and I doubt I ever will. So, I'll enjoy myself tonight, but I have to remember to try and speak to someone—Hatori, perhaps—about him.

As if I'm sending out vibes with my concerned thoughts, Tohru's face suddenly turns worried. "I'm sorry, I keep forgetting to ask you, but where's Hatsuharu-san? He hasn't been at school for a while, has he?"

"No—no, he hasn't," I murmur, upset by this change of topic. I don't want to concentrate too hard on Haru, not now, not after my recent discovery about Kyo and Uo. "He's been feeling sick."

Her eyes grow concerned. "Is there anything I can help with?"

I shake my head quickly. "Nah, you don't need to worry about it. Come on," I add, inclining my head towards the house ten yards away. "Let's just go and enjoy ourselves. I'm sure…" My voice catches for a moment, but I swallow and continue. "I'm sure Haru would want us to." I have to resist adding an uncertain _Right? _at the end, knowing that I should sound confident.

"Well…okay," she sighs, smiling a little bit.

The house is decorated in ridiculous amounts for such a small little party, doubtlessly Ayame's fault. I find myself getting a little excited as I step into the doorway. It will be nice to see everyone and just enjoy myself for a while.

As soon as we open the door, we're greeted with a familiar cry of "_I'm so soooooorrrrrrryyyyyyy!_"

"Oh, no!" Tohru cries, depositing her books on a side table.

I add mine to the stack, then hold her back, laughing a little. "Tohru, it's fine. He'll calm down in a second."

Instantly, a glittery blur whisks around the corner, beaming and dragging a smaller, rather limpid figure by the wrist.

"See, Ritchan?" the long white-haired man announces gallantly. "You're only concerning Tohru-kun with your incessant apologies! You really must stop immediately!"

Ritsu, clad in a slim green and brown kimono, whimpers and flushes, his usually sweet brown eyes glimmering with stress.

"Oh, no, no!" Tohru cries. "It's fine, really, Ayame-san, Ritchan-san, I swear I wasn't—that is—you're not hurting me at all, I promise!"

"R-really?" Ritsu stammers.

Yuki comes around the corner just then, his disdainful look melting into concern when he sees the flustered girl. "Honda-san, are you all right?"

"Your brother," I say delicately, "is upsetting her."

The result of my declaration leaves Shigure, standing against the wall, groaning about how the heavy wooden bookshelf had belonged to his mother.

Laughing a little, I take Tohru's hand and pull her into the other room, where Kisa and Hiro are watching some anime with wide eyes, though the latter's more in disgust than entrancement, and Hatori is standing against the wall, lighting a cigarette boredly. Kagura is there, too, pacing the length of the room and looking distraught.

"Momiji," she cries when she sees me, running over. She has to nearly yell over the noise of the kids' anime and the ruckus from the room containing Shigure, Ayame, Ritsu, and Yuki. "Have you seen Kyo-kun?"

_Yup, he's probably still making out with another girl at school. _"Not since school got out. Why?"

She glares darkly at me, and I silently berate myself for the thoughtless inquiry. It's never a question why Kagura wants to see Kyo.

Just then, Shigure comes back in, Ritsu shuffling behind him.

"You're leaving Aaya out there alone?" Hatori asks disbelievingly just as there's a crazy-sounding laugh and a gigantic crash from through the doorway. Kisa looks over anxiously, and Hiro leans over to whisper something to her. Looking slightly comforted, she sits back again, but her amber eyes remain fixed on Shigure, waiting for his answer.

"He'll be fine," Shigure promises, not even flinching when the doorframe wobbles from another resounding bang. "He's making some of that noise himself; just wants to make a scene, as you'll know. Yuki won't kill him, and that's all that matters, right?"

"It would save me a whole lot of trouble if you'd just stop them," Hatori mutters back. "Not only am I going to have to heal the physical injuries; he'll also want my sympathy."

At that moment, Ayame stumbles into the room, looking bruised and slightly dazed. With a resigned sigh, Hatori tosses his cigarette into a nearby dish—Shigure has no lack of them—and plods over to where Yuki's older brother is teetering on his toes.

"This is even more than Yuki usually goes for," he murmurs, mostly to himself, I think.

It's true. Yun gets angry at Aaya easily, but rarely this much. Had the jab at Tohru (it can hardly even be called that) really hurt him that much, or was something else bothering him? As Hatori leads Ayame into a bedroom to look over him, it suddenly strikes me that everyone here is probably hiding something.

"Yuki-kun-" Tohru murmurs in distress, starting for the doorway.

"Wait," I plead, angry at myself for being distracted. "He'll be fine, come on, let's enjoy ourselves!"

She shakes her head and trots out the door, leaving me frustrated. Shigure heads over to watch the anime with Hiro and Kisa. Great. Now I get to spend time with quite possibly the most socially awkward people in the house—excluding Ayame, of course, though he's more irritating than anything else.

Kagura slowly slides down the wall until she's sitting on the floor, looking miserable. I'm a bit surprised by her apparent emotion for Kyo. I have to admit, I always thought that their relationship was more flirty than anything else, but this looks like there's really something more to it.

On her side, anyway. Kyo has Uotani.

I brace myself as Ritsu approaches, looking shaken, and raise a hand welcomingly. He pauses in front of me. For all the world, I would mistake him for a particularly flat-chested woman if I didn't know better. It's not just his long hair and silky kimono, but the shy sweetness of his hazelnut eyes that puts me off balance. No other man I've ever known has had eyes like that.

"Hi, Ritchan."

"Hello, Momiji-kun," he greets me shakily. "Do you—do you really think that I upset Tohru-san? I hate to think…"

"Nah." I shake my head vigorously. "Really, I'm not sure that anything can upset Tohru."

"Good…good," he mumbles. We stand there for a moment in uneasy silence.

"You don't want to be here," I finally state, unworried about offending Shigure.

He nods miserably.

"Hey, don't let 'em keep ya here. Shigure's distracted enough by that crazy show, and Tohru's off chasing Yuki—just slip out the door, they'll never notice."

"Really?"

"Yup. Positive."

He nods slowly. "Thank you, Momiji-kun. I'm sorry for-"

I hold up a hand, winking. "Don't start. Off you go."

Looking vaguely dejected, Ritsu exits.

I sigh heavily and glance over at where Shigure and the middle-schoolers sit, a bit tempted to join them in the childish pleasure of watching PG anime, but there's no room on their little pile of pillows. The adult has already forced Hiro and Kisa into what would be uncomfortably close quarters if they were anyone _but _Hiro and Kisa.

I resign to imitating Kagura and sitting down against the wall. In the shadows of the otherwise bright house, it's upsettingly easy to slip back into thinking about Haru, to imagining the soft feel of his white hair, the hard but sweet touch of his lips…I'd much rather think about Tohru, but it's harder to in the darkness, and being surrounded by my extended family somehow makes me feel more lonely.

I suddenly remember Haru's theory that Rin was going out with Shigure, and glance over at the dog, trying to catch anything revealing it to be true. But his expression is so neutral that I wonder if he's actually trying to keep his feelings from me.

This crap is beginning to make me twitchy. I stand back up and walk past Kagura, Shigure, Kisa, and Hiro, towards where Hatori and Aaya went. The hall is shady and quiet, pleasant after the acute discomfort in the other room with the anime playing loudly in a corner. But every shadow feels like it's hiding a resentful Haru, and I need to struggle not to break down. Somehow, the sunny walk home with Tohru seems a million years away. It's probably because she's out with Yuki, not here to lighten things up. Or maybe it's just Yuki in general. I had felt so triumphant when I found out about Kyo and Uo-chan, but now I realize that Yuki is just as much of a barrier as Kyo had been, if not more.

_Face it, Momiji. That happiness was delusional. _

Luckily, I run into Hatori before I can feel any more depressed. He's closing a door behind him, and I guess that he decided Ayame needed rest. Yuki really must have given his brother a beating.

"Momiji," he says, surprised. "What's up?"

This is the man, I remember, that comforted me on perhaps the most painful night of my life. I suddenly have the urge to tell him everything, and do.

"I know why Haru's gone," I admit quietly.

"Go on."

I swallow. "It's my fault. He was upset about Rin—they'd been going out, I don't know if you-"

"I didn't, but that's not important. Just tell me what happened to him, Momiji."

"Right." Hatori has always had a way of making me feel immature. "Well, they broke up, and he was upset about it, so…we started going out."

His pale violet eyes show no trace of surprise. "All right."

I begin to flush. "Well, so, the day he went missing, he took me aside at school, and…" _This is Hatori. You can tell him. _"And he kissed me. And then he got really upset, and I left him in the boys' bathroom and went with Tohru and her friends. And then I came back and…kissed him again…and then he ran away. It's my fault, I know it. I made him feel worse, not better. Now he just misses her so much…it was too much for him. So he's gone now."

Hatori nods slowly, not judging, which is the great thing about him. "All right. Then we'll need Isuzu's help to find him again."

"She'll refuse," I say immediately. What he's saying is impossible. Rin won't just agree to get up and look for Haru, no matter how much she may still care about her. She's not like that.

"No," he says simply. His gaze unfocuses, and I can tell that he's thinking hard. "It will be difficult, but I think we can convince her."

"Okay. Okay, we'll do that, then." I feel better, knowing that I have help, but I also am suddenly aware that Tohru may be back, and I'm desperate to see her again. I turn and start down the hall.

"Momiji."

I turn back to face Hatori. "Yeah?"

He stares deep into my eyes. "Momiji, it is _essential _that no one else knows about this. Okay?"

"'Course."

"_Especially _not Akito."

"Of _course._"

"Or Kureno, because he'll tell Akito."

"I won't tell anyone, Ha'ri," I insist firmly.

He nods, still looking stiff. "Good. Good. I'm going to go back and keep an eye on Aaya, if you'll tell the others he'll survive."

"Yup." I turn and hurry down the hall as he retires into the guest room where Ayame is.

Our plan is going to be next to impossible, but it's our only hope, so we have to try.

For Haru.

* * *

**_Hi, everyone! So, this is my first "author's note" type thing. I just want to thank everyone for reading, and my apologies if things are too confusing at times . I try, really, I do! _**

**_I hope you've been enjoying "Lace Cuffs" so far. It's actually my first fanfic, so, again, sorry if it has flaws (I'm sure it does)...I try my best! _**

**_Please, please, PLEASE review- it can be a line long for all I care, I just want feedback! :3 And remember that ideas from my audience can absolutely affect what happens later in the story!_**

_**Thanks, **_

_**Thisby**_


	7. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

Birds singing, the fresh smell of thawed dirt, the unique sensation of wind running through leaves above your head. I used to love these things, because they meant that spring was here, and that the world would begin again. That I wouldn't be eternally trapped in the cold, dark place where Mama abandoned me.

I know that Hatori likes spring, too, because of Kana. They'd remind him of her, and reassure him that a little part of her would always be with him, I guess. He denies it, of course, but I know that he still loves her, as much as he ever did. It would take a lot more than Akito and partial blindness to change something like that.

Yeah, I used to love spring. But right now, I hate it. Blame it on Rin, who I decided is to blame for this whole mess-up. Still, if Ha'ri was right (and I've never known him not to be), she's the only one who can get us all out of it.

My vague gaze suddenly focuses on something a ways ahead, and I'm jerked out of my thoughts. My heart, lungs, everything is pumping at three times normal speed as I stare at the white-haired teen ahead of me. My imagination starts leaping ahead of me, imagining what I'd do if it really is him, how I'd run up and wrap my arms around his neck and just kiss him as hard as I could, not caring about anything else, because he would be here, everything would be all right—

The boy turns around, revealing the face of an American tourist. There's a heave in my stomach, a moment that feels like falling, and then a slow ache begins in my head.

_That's not Haru, you dummkopf! Of course it's not! Why did you let your expectations get the better of you? _

I begin to feel overwhelmed again, and all I want to do is cry, but then I hold back the tears and lock my emotions inside my mind. I need to control myself.

_You can't even control yourself! You can't even hold back your tears! That's what you look like to people, you stupid little rabbit, a whimpering baby. No one likes you! They think you're awkward, think you're a miserable pussy! Everyone just wants you to DISAPPEAR!_

There are many, many more hurtful words that Akito spoke to me, but I won't let myself hear them right now. I have a job to do. I'm not the one who needs attention right now.

Focus, Momiji. Stop _worrying _about everything. You need to take action, now.

A while later, I arrive at the Sohma estate and let myself in. I make my way to Hatori's house. He's not outside in the sun like I'd be, and the shades of his windows are closed.

I open the door to his house carefully. It feels oddly dark and quiet outside after the springy ambiance of outside. "Hello?"

"Momiji?"

"Yup."

"Come in."

I close the door behind me, blocking out the last of the pleasant light and noise, and start down the shadowy hallway. It's odd, how much the still silence is getting to me. Resisting the urge to throw open a window shade, I walk into his study.

His back is facing me, head bent, and I can tell that I'm not the only depressed one here, though I'm sure we're mulling over different people. Maybe I was wrong, and the memories of Kana aren't so sweet after all.

I simply stand in the doorway, until he turns around. He looks like he's been crying, which frightens me. Hatori can't cry. He's pretty much the only person I look up to and admire, other than Yuki, who I'm a bit grudging against at the moment. My role model can't cry. Because if he loses control, it means that I'm standing alone, with no support.

But, since he's Ha'ri, he pushes aside whatever he was upset about and stands up. "Are you ready for this?" he asks.

I nod. "We have to do it before Haru gets himself deeper into trouble."

He takes a few long strides towards the doorway where I'm standing. "Then there's no time to waste. Let's go."

Rin lives nearby Hatori, so there's only a few moments to prepare myself. I take a deep breath, trying to soak up the warmth and bird sound. This is going to be hard, but it's our only chance.

He knocks on the door once, loud and clear. It would be impossible for the person inside the dark house not to hear. But we wait for a full minute, and nothing happens. So he knocks again, three times now. This time, I can hear a scuffling inside the house, and muted voices. She's definitely here, and it would seem that someone else is, too.

The door swings open suddenly and forcefully, and I stumble back, shocked. Hatori jumps a little, too, but remains in place. It's Kagura, looking painfully cheerful and peppy, with her shiny brown hair back in a short ponytail and her eyes bright as stars.

"Momiji-kun, Hatori-san!" she exclaims in delight. It's quite a change from the way she'd acted at the party, which Kyo had never shown up for. He had stumbled into the house at three in the morning, actually, as Tohru had worriedly reported, looking rather dazed. Shigure said he had a girlfriend, and Yuki that he was probably on drugs. Ironic that the Dog was right.

"Kagura," Hatori greeted her respectfully. "Is Isuzu-san here? We'd like to talk to her."

The cheery Boar's face falls. "Um…well…could you possibly…?"

"We need to talk to her now," Hatori says firmly.

"Well..all right. Just down the hall."

Rin's house is by far more dark and dismal than Hatori's, and is filled with the stench of sickness. He pushes open the door at the end, and I almost turn away at the sight.

I knew that Rin was depressed, but this…

She lies in the middle of a dark room—the windows are painted black—curled on her side, facing the doorway. She's ridiculously emaciated, dark eyes seeming unnaturally large in her sunken, pale face. The smell is worse in here, and I can't tell what it's coming from, though the faint odor of cleaning supplies suggests that perhaps she vomited earlier and Kagura attempted to clean. There's a broken china cup next to one curled hand, dark tea that looks like blood in the low light staining the floor around the shattered remains. Probably another scar of Kagura's efforts. It's revolting, the whole thing, and I want more than anything to get out of there, but I know that I have to do this for Haru.

"What do you want?" she asks in a guttural tone.

Hatori starts to speak. "Isuzu, I'm sorry to tell you, but-"

"I already know about Haru, you emotionless bastard."

The Dragon freezes, rare hurt filling his pale eyes. I know that he hates being called emotionless, even if that is the show he puts on, because he's one of the most tortured of us all. Holding back the anger that's starting to itch at me, I decide to take over and give Ha'ri a chance to recover.

"Rin," I say quietly, kneeling down in front of her. Her eyes widen, breath coming out short and quick.

"Are you going to tell me that they found him?" she asks huskily. "Are you going to tell me he's dead?"

I shake my head. "Rin, we can't find him-"

"Then _why are you here?_" Fury sharpens her darkened features, and I'm reminded suddenly of Akito. "If there's nothing for you to tell me, why are you here? Do you just want to _bother _me? _Torture _me?"

It's hard for me to comprehend, but the thing is, she's really, truly going insane without Haru. I suddenly feel a guilty pain, remembering that I'm with him right now, that the boy she clearly loves more than her life is currently mine. And that I…want to keep it that way.

_WHAT?_

_Tohru!_

She's still ranting, but I'm too caught up in my own emotions to process any of that right now. I feel Hatori pulling me out, hear a hasty apology from Kagura and a muttered reassurance from him, and then we're out in the sunlight again.

"We're going to have to try again," he says quietly. "Another time, but still soon."

I nod. Hatori's right. We _need _to get Haru back.

Because I just realized that I love him.

* * *

_**Hi! I know I haven't updated for a while, but here it is :) Hope you enjoyed, don't forget to review! I recently added a couple of Furuba one-shots, called "Blood & Roses" and "Five Years Later;" check them out if you liked this one! And review, pretty please?**_


	8. Chapter 7

_"No…no! Come back!"_

_"What-"_

_"He's gone! HE'S GONE!"_

_"Please, you need to relax, sir-"_

_"BRING HIM BACK TO ME!"_

_"Sir-"_

_"You useless bitch! BRING HIM BACK! No…."_

_"What's going on?"_

_"He's furious, Sir, I don't know…"_

_"What happened? Why is he like this?"_

_"I can't tell, he keeps saying-"_

_"COME BACK! BRING HIM BACK!"_

_"You NEED to calm down!"_

_"NO! Give him back! I need him!"_

_"Stop it-"_

_"HELP ME!"_

_"AKITO!"_

* * *

CHAPTER 7

_I love Haru._

It's an odd thing to realize, but an amazing one. I wonder when it happened. Was it the first time he kissed me, when we were playing Halo? Or later on, when I saw him cowering on the floor of the bathroom? I can't pinpoint the exact time, but the emotion is there, very real and definite.

_I love you. _

_Ich liebe dich._

There's Tohru, too, of course. My feelings for her aren't any less. But at the same time, this new thing I have for Haru is intoxicating. I find myself feeling sour towards Rin, which is odd, because I'm nothing if not resentful. But then there's Tohru.

Tohru.

Haru.

I'm insanely confused, but everything seems to be coated with a warm haze. It doesn't really matter, does it? Nothing matters, as long as the two of them are alive in this world.

Though, as I have to remind myself, there's a possibility that soon enough, one of them won't be.

That knowledge is enough to break through my sleepy daze, and I sit up in bed, breathing heavily. Both of them are in my mind, smiling and gazing at me with brown and blue eyes. Who would've guessed that things would come to this? I'd never have realized my feelings for Haru if Rin had stayed with him. Things probably would've been better that way...yes, no matter how I look at it, everything seems to be Rin's fault. So why is it that she's the only one who can fix it?

I look down at my hands. As usual, my pajama top has lace cuffs. Tohru gave me this particular pair as a thank-you gift for the trip to the hot springs I bought for her a while back, clearly with no idea that they'd affect me psychologically. I rub the exquisite white material between two fingers, feeling the familiar pattern of whorls and ridges. I've memorized this particular pattern, from the nights that I've spent examining them from the washed-out light of the moon outside my window. They're already getting a little tight around my wrists, but not as bad as the ones That Night. I experimentally tug at one, tightening it. But I don't feel trapped, like I did with the others. These are from Tohru, so they're comforting even in their smallness.

I can't see Haru right now, I decide suddenly, so I have to visit Tohru.

Despite my exhaustion, I manage to concoct the usual perky, German-style outfit that everyone's used to me wearing. There's plenty of pastel pink and yellow in this one. It's not unusual for me, but I feel sort of like it's advertising my newly found homo/bisexuality. Suddenly, I'm self-conscious about what I'm wearing. It's weird, but stranger things have happened in the past few days.

The long walk to Shigure's house feels similar to the shorter one to Hatori's yesterday, only I'm both more dejected and more cheerful. Knowing and admitting to myself that I love Haru is like a whole new world to explore, though at the same time it's horribly limited. _It's all Rin's fault. _

I push those darker thoughts aside and try to focus on Tohru instead. She's still here, she's still real and material, and she might even be open, if Yuki clears off. There's a chance that I could have Tohru. But, then, what if I was disloyal to her? How would that relentlessly cheerful, happy spirit react if she found out that innocent little Momiji was cheating on her?

_Don't get ahead of yourself. You're not even _with _her yet. _

Do I even _want _to be at this point?

_Of course, of course of course of course! _I still love Tohru, she's still the light of my life, I still...

_Is love supposed to be forced?_

I'm so confused. So goddamn confused. And just in time to arrive in front of Shigure's house.

This is it. Calm, just calm. You're fine. This is _Tohru. _There's nothing to worry about.

I knock on the door, and Shigure swings it open immediately.

"Momiji!" he exclaims, sounding surprised but pleased. " Well, this is unexpected. Are you here for Tohru?"

"Yup."

"Then don't let me stop you." He holds the door open. To someone who didn't know him as well as I do, this might seem like a simple kind gesture, but I notice the mischeivous glint in his dark eyes and know that he's hoping something might happen between Tohru and me. The sicko.

I march down the hallway like it's my own place, knowing that, of course, Tohru will be in the kitchen. What I don't expect, and am not very pleased about, is that Yuki is there with her.

I pause in the doorframe, glaring at him over her head. He looks up, silver eyes flashing with an odd mixture of surprise, annoyance, and pleasure.

"Momiji-kun," he greets me.

"Yuki," I reply. I'm feeling frustrated all of a sudden. Yuki has a look in his eyes like he thinks he's superior to me, and it's really getting under my skin. I want to prove that I know something he doesn't, especially in front of Tohru, who's just turning around, looking delighted.

"Did you know," I say abruptly, "that Haru ran away?"

_Ran away. _It sounds so childish when I put it that way, but there's no way I could explain everything that messed up his life before he did.

Tohru, who didn't even manage to get so much as a "hello" out, looks horrified. "Ha-hatsuharu-san? But...when? The police know, right? Oh, no, we have to get him back! But do we know where he his? When did he...what can we do?" she wails, looking agitated, to say the least.

"Honda-san!" Yuki exclaims hurriedly. "Calm down, it's okay!"

"How can you say that?" she whimpers, eyes shining. "Oh, I hope he's all right!"

"We all do," I reply, feeling suddenly awkward. "Tohru..." I look over her shoulder at Yuki, who seems rather distracted, probably by the discovery of Haru's disappearance. "Can I talk with you privately for a moment?"

She nods several times as a tear leaks out of one of her big blue eyes. "Yes, yes, of course!"

Yuki watches us carefully for a moment, managing to put his own feelings under cover, then nods shortly and leaves the room, shooting me a _don't say anything that will hurt her _look as he exits.

_Of course not. I could never hurt her. _

Once he was gone, the room seemed to grow warmer. I focused on Tohru's misty eyes, trying to forget about everything else. Then, slowly, I reach out and begin to stroke her creamy brown hair. I hardly realize that I'm doing it, but she does. I can feel it in the stiffening of her back, the reddening of her cheeks.

"I need to find Haru," I say.

"Of—of course you do, I'm sorry for keeping you, you should-"

I hold up my free hand, and she falls silent immediately.

"In order to find him," I continue as if I was never interrupted, "I need...support."

"Anything!" she agrees all too eagerly. "Oh, Momiji-kun, I can do anything to help you find Haru, I promise!" Her eyes are so big and teary, so blue.

"Anything," I repeat, staring into them.

"Well—yes, of course!"

"Then..." I reach out take her hand, breathing heavily. "Then...please..."

_"Will you help me?" he asks simply, teetering on the brink. _

"Momiji..." For once, she hasn't graced my name with the honorific.

_I stare into his eyes, breathing heavily. _

This is painful, not giving in to what I feel for Tohru. Literally, physically painful.

_"Yes. Of course."_

I'd promised Haru I'd help him.

"Then, please, wish me luck."

She does.

And I leave.

* * *

_**Voila! So, sorry it's been a while since I got a chapter up, but I've been exploring Star Wars fanfiction lately, and it's quite fun, I must say. I'll try to keep updating "Lace Cuffs," though I just realized what a mess of confusion and OOC-ness it is...oh, well. I'll try to bring it back up to my usual standards (as if I have any **_**XD_), and...yeah. Well, okay, hope you enjoyed. And if you did, please review me- it'll act as major motivation. Hell, review even if you didn't like it! (Because, starting now, if you review me, I'll review you _:D_)_**

**_~Thisby_**


	9. Chapter 8

**_Chapter 8..__.I'm not sure what to say. Yay? Did it in a day, so it may or may not be crappy...I actually think it might be a pretty good one...whatever. Some "coarse language" farther down the page, probably M-rated, but the rest of this story is too tame for that, so I didn't change the rating ^^ Enjoy, please, please, please review. I can see how many hits I receive for this story, and compared to the number of reviews, it's truly sad...criticism is very, very welcome!_**

* * *

CHAPTER 8

I don't know what I was trying to achieve with Tohru back there. Perhaps a moment of peace. Or something. Whatever it was, I'm sure that I didn't get it. But now everything is icy clear to me. I've been being selfish. Thoughtless. Visiting Tohru and scowling at Yuki while Haru is out there, in danger...school will start up again in a day, but I don't care. To hell with pretense. I have to find Haru, and I'm going to. With Rin's help. I'll get her help; I have to. If the two of us together can't find him and bring him back, no one could.

It's up to us.

I run from Shigure's house, my feet pounding on the dirt and breath ripping violently from my lungs. I don't run a lot, but when I do, I can get pretty fast. Stamina is a strong point for me, too. I don't make it all the way to the Sohma estate at top speed, but I'm still there within twenty minutes. Then I'm tearing inside, dashing to Rin's house. Slamming down on the door.

Locked.

Freaking goddamned locked.

I pound against it desperately, unbelieving. How could anyone be this selfish? _Come on, Rin! I thought you cared about Haru! Don't make me do this alone!_

"Rabbit!" a young voice snarls from the path. "Will you give it a rest?"

I whip around furiously to see Hiro standing on the path, glaring.

"Oh, please," I hiss. He's never seen me this pissed before, but it doesn't show. "Just—mind—your—own—_business, _will you?"

"You're making a racket," he retorts. "I doubt that Rin's going to appreciate that. Are you trying to look desperate? Think that your fluffy cuteness will have her forgiving-"

_"Shut up!" _

I'm running towards him, so furious that the only thing I can focus on is getting to him, grabbing his collar, yanking his face towards mine.

"Listen," I snarl. "I don't know what ever happened to make you so damn sure of yourself. But call me cute and fluffy and you'll be regretting it the rest of your puny existence. I'm _done._ I'm not sure what happened to make people think that my optimism is the only thing there is to me. But I'm allowed to have emotions, too! I'm a _person! _I'm older than you, stop treating me like an infant!" I yank violently on his collar, tossing him to the side. He looks truly stunned, but I can't feel any regret through the haze of anger that envelops me.

"What...who are you?" he chokes out.

"Me?" I glower at him. "I'm Momiji Sohma. Shocked that there's more to me than you thought, I'm sure. I _try! _I try so damn hard! And in return, I get looked down on!"

Hiro is still wide-eyed, but he doesn't seem to be angry. "People think you're just a kid," he states.

_Yes!_

"And they think...that you're too young to know love. That you're naïve."

Yes. _Yes. _"Who do you think you _are? _What makes you think you know anything about me?"

He gets up slowly, dusting himself off. A bit of the sarcastic demeanor has returned, but he still seems to be speaking honestly. "I don't. I just know about myself."

I consider stopping him as he turns and starts down the path, but decide not to. His words, the words of a middle schooler, have given me enough to pore over for the moment.

But I don't have time to, anyway. The anger's cleared up a little, enough for me to try for productivity again. I go back to Rin's door and ring the bell. Wait for twenty seconds. Nothing. Again. Ten seconds this time. Again, and again—

"Momiji! You're back!"

Another person to interrupt me, this time female. I let my hand drop to my side and curl it into a fist, trying to contain my annoyance, as Kagura approaches with a large shopping bag in her arms. She looks like a harried housewife as she shoulders past me and unlocks the door one-handed, blabbing the whole time.

"I'm so sorry; have you been waiting? I just went out to get some food and new shampoo for Rin; that hair of hers is a wreck right now. This isn't the best time for a visit, but-"

"I'm not leaving."

Pushing the door open, she tosses me a sideways look. "...All right, then, but could you try to work with me here? I'll work on convincing her to wash that mane if you'll put the food away."

"No...let me talk to her." I'm realizing something. This taking care of Rin, who Kagura has never been particularly close to, is to soothe her pained feelings for Kyo. She may not know about Arisa yet, but she's sensed that something's going on, and this is her distraction.

I follow her inside, and am surprised by the change in atmosphere. Though the lights are off, it actually smells nice inside, and the air is no longer stale. Kagura flips a switch and illuminates the room, which has been recently cleaned.

"I've been trying to tidy things up," she mutters. "She won't let me near her room, but the main areas might as well be nicer."

"You did...well," I admit. I really am impressed by Kagura's housekeeping skills. It's a shame that Kyo seems to have permanently turned her down; she'd be an amazing wife. Not that I have any interest, of course. Tohru would be better. Always.

_Haru..._

"Thanks, Momiji." She smiled a little wryly at me, and, for a moment, I catch a glimpse of the pain behind her eyes. Kagura is one member of the zodiac that I never really think about all that much. But she's here, too. She has a mind. She has a universe.

I'm jerked out of my reverie by her turning away and beginning to stock the cabinets. "Well, take the shampoo—it's in the smaller bag—and go give it a go. The best of luck, and if she starts bristling, by all means get out of there."

"Okay. Right." I peer inside the bag and pull out a cream-colored bottle with a lavender cap. I can tell that the boar has selected a very feminine brand, probably one she uses herself, before I see 女性のための絹のような滑らかなシャンプー written on it. Silky smooth shampoo for women. I think that my job just got harder. I painfully remind myself that I'm not here to convince Rin to wash her hair, anyways, though that just sends a pang through my chest. I _want _things to be as easy as that. I want Haru to be here, in other words. I want him here, so damn much.

_That's the goal you're working towards. Don't stop now. _

So I continue down the hall and let myself into Rin's room. It's as bad as it was yesterday, though the stink of vomit is gone. She glares up at me through greasy strands of once-luscious, dark black hair.

"It's you again," she says simply. "Fuck off."

I try not to flinch at her language choice, instead dropping the shampoo, which bounces once, and falling to my knees. I'm not backing down this time. I stare Rin in the eyes, then reach out and, despite her obvious revulsion, grasp her shoulders.

"Rin," I say. "You need to help Haru."

"I don't care about _Haru _anymore," she spits. "I've moved on. I don't need him anymore."

"Bullshit. Like hell, you don't need him. He's your life, mind, and soul, Rin, and you've obviously lost all of them." I stare into her dark eyes, willing her to understand. "I need you. He needs you. Pick yourself up. Regain your confidence. Get out of this dark place. Outside, there's sunshine. There are birds and sidewalks and kids laughing. There's _Haru. _There's _happiness _outside, Rin. Happiness. And don't you dare expect me to believe you when you say you don't want that. Because you're human, just like the rest of us."

"You talk too much," she snipes.

"Stop it. _Stop _it. Stop pretending. Nobody needs to know. We can grab a car, get out of here. Find him. Bring him back. Make things right. Okay?"

She stares at me with bottomless, impenetrable dark eyes. Eyes that Haru somehow manages to love, eyes that I can try damn hard to work with and relate to. Eyes that have suffered. Eyes that have loved and detested. Eyes that, at the moment, are glowing with the fierce, dark fire of her zodiac spirit, the wild, forever untamed mustang.

"Okay."


	10. Chapter 9

_**Here we go...not much to say this time around, except for that (wait for it)...I have the outline for the rest of the story written out, and we're more than halfway through! *gasp* It's going to be crazy when I actually finish "Lace Cuffs"...anyways, I have to go. Enjoy! Review me and I'll review you- and if I'm taking a long time on reviewing you, that's because I'm a slow reader (when we're talking about online stories). **_**;)**

**~Thisby  
**

* * *

CHAPTER 9

Rin rises to her feet with a surprising burst of strength, her long hair swirling around her pale face. "Let's go now," she states abruptly, and it's a demand, not a suggestion, as the wording would imply. I nod, being the last to disagree, but hold out a hand to stop her before she starts into the hallway.

"Kagura's out there," I warn. "If we go out there now, she'll be all over you. Can we get out a window?"

She nods wordlessly, and is at one in the next instance, pulling at the frame, clearly struggling.

"Maybe-" I begin, but she shoots me a look that could kill one of a weaker mindset, and I fall quiet. With a burst of stubborn strength, she heaves it open. There's a painful _squee _as the glass scrapes the frame, and her eyes widen in fright.

"Go, go, go!" I wave her out the window, then glance over my shoulder. I can hear Kagura calling in the hallway. "Rin-chan? Momiji-kun?"

Shit. Without farther hesitation, I swing over the window frame and land on the sparse grass, my feet sinking slightly into the loamy earth. Rin slams the window shut, and, on a sudden whim, I pull a stick of gum out of my pocket, rip off the wrapper, and toss it into my mouth for a few chews before yanking it out and stretching it over the hairline crack between the window and the sill, then squishing it in as much as possible.

"That ought to help somewhat," I mutter.

"Let's go!" Rin hisses.

I look from her to the window, my eyes widening as I hear footsteps slamming down inside. Then the two of us, the speedy rabbit and fleet-footed horse, are hightailing it the hell out of there. Our mission can't be known, or Akito would put a stop to it immediately, with his odd tendencies.

"Do you have a car with you?" she asks as the air whips by us and we dart through the Sohma estate.

"A car? No…" I hadn't thought of that, but it _was_a concern, especially seeing as my feet were already aching after my extended sprint earlier.

"Damn it, you could try being a little more _prepared!_"

"Oh, yeah? I didn't know that Kagura would be here, did I?"

"You'd think it would be easy enough to guess, seeing as she was here last time!"

"If you didn't notice, you were practically dead with misery last time, so I obviously wasn't counting on my initial impression!"

This is how we'd always been, Rin and I. The fact that I was now..._jealous _of her didn't exactly help, either. I just had to hope that she wouldn't find out about my feelings for Haru, or everything would go down the drain. We both had to put aside our feelings for this. This was for Haru. So, with that in mind, I carefully exhaled my frustration, pretending to ignore her scathing fib of "I would have come last time, if stupid Hatori wasn't there!"

"Okay, whatever," I say through gritted teeth. "Let's focus on getting a car right now, then we can bicker all we want."

She shoots me a sideways look, half annoyed, half something close to amused, then nods briefly. "Okay. Lead us to the car, rabbit kid."

Does she try to be this infuriating, or does it come naturally? I close my eyes briefly, then they flash open. "Let's take Satsuki-san's car. She always leaves it open, and there's an extra set of keys in the glove compartment." Hiro's mother does, indeed, do that, and more- she advertises her nonexistent security precautions to the rest of us, too. He always tells her not to, but it hardly works. Satsuki thinks she knows what she's doing, only she doesn't. Like, at all.

"Okay...okay, that actually makes sense," Rin admits grudgingly.

I roll my eyes and we hurry in the direction of the parking lot, her long hair flowing behind her.

Mist has gathered, and droplets begin to condense and drop on our heads as we run. Great. Not only am I going to figure out how to drive, which I never have before, but I'm also going to have to work on operating the windshield wipers. _Oh, well, don't think about that, _I tell myself.

"It's a Toyota, right?" she asks as we skid to a wet halt in front of the parking lot.

"Yeah. Silver Toyota Matrix," I confirm, already scanning the shining array of cars. _Damn, _I suddenly think. _What if she's not here right now? Then what are we going to do?_

In our silence, I hear a faint sound cut through the now steady pattern of rain. I frown, straining my ears as my eyes sweep along the rows in the lot. It's a voice. Calling. Calling rather frantically.

Rin's narrowed eyes snap wide open just as I realize what the words are.

"Rin! Momiji!"

It's Kagura.

"There," the Horse hisses, gesturing frantically at a pale silver car that sparkles in the rain. Inhaling sharply, I dash through the forming puddles, following her swath of dark, damp hair. We whisk around a red minivan, and Rin slams a fist against the Toyota's passenger window, yanking open the door at the same time. She slips inside and bangs it shut behind her, eyes wildly telling me to go around to the driver's side.

"Right!" I gasp aloud, already on the move. I tilt my chin up as I pull open the car door, eyes roving over the multicolored metal, searching for Kagura. She doesn't seem to be nearby. Then I catch sight of her, and involuntarily yelp.

She's five yards away from us, max.

"_Momiji!_" she cries, but I'm throwing myself inside the car, pulling the door shut with all of my weight, catching the keys that Rin tosses to me, shoving them in the ignition and turning.

"Do you even know how to drive?" she asks anxiously as I glance over the shoulder and begin to back us up.

"Sure. Y'know, once or twice."

"Ugh…" She lets her head fall onto the dashboard.

"Thanks for your…" I grit my teeth and turn the steering wheel carefully, as to avoid running over the now petrified Kagura. "…extremely contributive assistance!"

"No problem," she mumbles against the plastic.

Rain is dashing furiously against the windshield, but I don't have the time to try and find the wipers. It's hard enough to focus on getting into an acceptable enough position that I can safely get the hell out of this parking lot. And where do we go then?

_Don't think about that. Focus on getting you and Rin out of here alive, damn it._

Right. I really ought to do that. Groaning audibly, I wrench us around, teeth chattering as the wheels spin slightly, and punch the gas pedal—at least, I think that one is the gas—with all of my strength. It would seem that it was the right pedal, after all, seeing as we immediately shoot forward at a speed that leaves my stomach floating somewhere in the air behind me. Rin yelps, and I heave the steering wheel to the side, ignoring the whine from what's probably some extremely vital part of the car. We turn into the road, and now we're zooming down it at a speed I didn't even know a car was capable of, with the rain splattering violently against the fogged-up windshield and splashing up against the sides of the car. I can't see a damn thing.

I laugh with euphoria.

"You are going to get us fucking _killed!_" Rin screeches, clinging to her seatbelt. "Momiji, I'm not even kidding, this is how people _die!_"

But we're not going to die. I can feel it in my heart and my gut. We're flying, or at least soaring, and it's like all I am is the speed. I don't have a clue where we're going; it's all I can do to keep the car from totally spinning out of control. It's absolutely epic.

"You are fucking insane," my companion growls. "If we aren't dead in about thirty seconds, the police'll be on us! Is that what you want? Then we'll never be able to reach Haru!"

Haru. It's like a bucket of ice-cold water is dumped on my head. Suddenly, the car is slipping, as is my confidence. I have to struggle to keep the car going, and the speed halves, then drops down to a crawl. My eyes fly over the controls, and Rin helps me by leaning in and turning on the windshield wipers.

"Thanks."

"Whatever."

I can see now, but things still seem a million times harder when my stomach is intact. Breath whooshes out of my lips as I slowly hike up the speed, and then we're moving with fewer jolts, though it's nothing like the smooth ride of before.

"Jesus," Rin sighs, flopping back onto her seat. "I seriously thought that you were going to kill us."

"I didn't," I point out sourly.

"Yeah, but you would have if I hadn't stopped you."

"Sure. Sure I would've."

"What's your problem?"

She's rubbing my fur the wrong way. "What's _your _problem?"

"You are, you stupid rabbit. Damn. I'm not regretting this…but I really do hope we'll find him soon."

"No, really?" I mutter sarcastically. Then I spare a hand from the steering wheel to swipe my dripping blonde hair out of my eyes. "So, where are we headed?"

"Downtown," she replies immediately.

"And how do you know that that's where he'll be?"

"You're the one who asked me the damn question, rabbit kid!"

"Well, your response seemed kind of sudden!"

"I just know that he likes it down there!"

"Oh, and he's absolutely going somewhere he _likes. _There aren't _any _other possibilities."

"Can you just _stop talking?_" she hisses.

Body stiff, I turn my attention back to the road ahead of me.

This is going to be a very long drive.


	11. Chapter 10

**_Chapter 10! I'm getting sort of psyched about finishing this fic, so chapters should be coming faster now (around once every 1-3 days)! This one's kinda short, I know, but I wanted to end it where I did, so...yeah...! I'd really, really, really appreciate feedback. And if you don't like it, please tell me WHY, so that I can improve!_ :) _Also tell me if author's notes bother you. I'm sort of addicted to them, so yeah. Hm...predictions on who will end up with who, anyone? And if you don't know, you can review even if you don't have an account! (Sorry, I'm desperate.) Thanks to lavillalover, Alice, and xxasianicexx, as well as (most of all) Tuliharja, for the consistent, helpful reviews. I appreciate all of you!_**

* * *

****CHAPTER 10

"So, what makes you say he'll be downtown?" I ask a few minutes later. It's the first time I've dared to speak up—now that I'm thinking sensibly again, I've found out that driving _legally_ is a bit more of a challenge than doing so under my own rules. I have to concentrate on everything at once: speed, direction, lights, other cars, pedestrians, staying in my lane. I just have to hope that no one bothers to look to closely at me, seeing as I hardly look the part of sixteen—Tohru herself once asked if I was going into middle school. It's a bittersweet pang to think of her right now, so I try instead to concentrate on the things before me, which are probably more important, anyway.

"That's where he'd run. Far away from home, somewhere a bit more daring. Where he can… show his Black side. He'll probably have completely reverted to that by now, y'know. Just so that you're prepared for when we find him…"

I swallow as it strikes me that Rin seems to know much more about Haru than I do. It hurts. I want to think that I'm closest to him, more so than her, but it's becoming heartbreakingly evident that that's in no way true. _He went to you because he wanted to make her jealous, Momiji. You were just a replacement for her. There was never really anything between you two. _

But I refuse to believe the quiet ramblings that a part of my mind ceaselessly intoned. I _know _that Haru and I have something more than friendship. I just know it. There was something there when I kissed him, just those three times—once on the couch during Halo, once in the boys' room with Tohru, Hana, and Uo outside, and a final time when I tried to persuade him to come home. Each time, there was something more real and intimate about it. _I _was the one who wanted to go after him in the first place, anyway! Rin just sat there bitching about how awful her life was without him.

_Yup. She was horribly depressed with him gone, while you took Tohru to dinner parties. _

I grip the steering wheel more tightly and focus on the road ahead. My stomach is starting to churn, and I can't afford to lose my focus now. "Right," I say evenly, desperately hoping that my cool voice disguises my unsettlement. "Do you have anything more specific?"

"I've helped you out en0ugh as it is!" she snarls, turning towards her window and curling up.

"You're not _helping me,_" I remind her. "This isn't for me. It's for Haru."

There's such a long silence that I decide she must be ignoring me, and start to let my mind wander. But then she speaks again.

"I don't have anything more specific."

"Okay. Thank you."

"Right."

This is probably the closest that Rin and I are going to get to friendship. I don't know if she's aware of my relationship with Haru, but I detest her for hers enough to contain plenty of coldness for both of us. Besides, we've just never really worked together. She thinks I'm an overly hyper, childish little kid, and I consider her overly moody and pessimistic. I don't know where Haru finds the energy to love two people who are so different from each other.

_So now you're assuming that he loves you?_

_Of course he does._

_He's using you, Momiji, and you know it. _

_That's not true. Before all else, he was my friend. Friends don't 'use' friends. _

This is getting hard. I breathe slowly, trying to concentrate on the driving, only the driving, until I hear Rin mutter a quiet, "Shit."

I follow her gaze to a blinking red light on what I think is the gas meter. "Perfect," I growl. "Now what?"

"Well, the obvious thing to do is find a gas station."

I grit my teeth. "Yes, indeed it is. And at the gas station, we'll get pulled over for me apparently being under sixteen, and then they'll figure out how we're driving a stolen car, and then everything'll come crashing down."

"It's not stolen," she grumbled. "Just borrowed."

"Yeah, that's definitely what Kagura and Satsuki will say."

"Look, Rabbit Kid, if you have a way to drive a car with no gas in it, I'm listening! But seeing as you _don't_—I think that our only choice is to stop at a station."

I stare at the windshield rather than through it, thinking. This is a puzzle. I've always had a knack for puzzles. _So where's the solution? _Car needs to keep moving, but we can't afford to stop for gas… there's got to be a way…

"Aha!" I grin. "I've got it."

She rolls her eyes. "Should've figured."

* * *

"Okay, this is really, really, _really _ not creative," the Horse groans an hour later, tilting her head back so that it can rest against the window of the city bus we've snuck onto. "Here I thought that you'd have some genius way to make the car move, and instead…"

I shrug. "Works just as well."

"Yeah. Right."

After our realization that the gas was low, I parked the car, then ran over to the nearest pay phone, shoved in a couple of quarters that happened to have been buried in my pocket, and anonymously called Satsuki, 'cleverly' disguising my voice with an attempted Scottish accent. Fail, I know. But she's a ditz enough not to recognize me, and at least she'll know where her car is now. At least, that's what I'm telling myself.

After that, Rin followed me, grumbling, as we slipped oh-so-cleverly onto a bus along with a huge group of school kids. And now, here we are, taking the full tour of downtown with our eyes wide open. Well, mine are, at least. Rin appears to be taking a nap, though I know that her mind is far too chaotic to really rest at the moment.

As the cityscape outside begins to blur into a continuous stream of grayness, my gaze shifts to Rin in an attempt to find out what Haru sees in her. She's pretty, sure, what with her long, dark hair, her translucent creamy eyelids and delicate, exquisite lashes closed over what I know to be midnight black eyes, the pale curve of her throat and sleek shape of her body. But I know that Haru isn't one to judge people by their looks. If he loves her, why? _Why? _It's another puzzle, but this one not nearly so simple as how to move without fuel. The Rin that I know is crabby, temperamental, cold, and aloof. Even the Ox couldn't love someone made out of characteristics as negative as those. As I watch, her long fingers slowly move along the lines of a looped cross wrapped around her neck. It's made of something silvery—pewter, I think—and, for some reason, the sight of it makes me feel sick to my stomach. I look away, unable to think about these things anymore.

Haru, Tohru, Rin, Yuki, and I. The five of us make up my world right now. I'm at the center, the angsty protagonist whom everyone views as cheery, but whose true emotions are always hidden. Then there's Tohru and Haru, the two other points of my personal love triangle—one the sweet, dependable, sister-like figure, the other the more rebellious, fascinating, bad-boy character that still harbors a loving side. And, finally, Rin and Yuki, the villains, the enemies, who want to steal the love interests from the protagonists. If my life was a perfect story, then I'd somehow defeat the Horse and Rat, then realize whether I'm meant to be with Tohru or Haru with absolute clarity.

But this isn't a fairy tale. This is reality. My reality. And the truth is, Rin and Yuki are people, too. There are five of us, in total. Five can't divide into twos. Someone will be left alone. Unless another comes into the picture, and I know that's not going to happen. I want it to be one of the antagonists who's left out in the cold, I know that I do. But the truth is that I doubt it'll be either of them, really.

In all truth, I'm sure to be the one with nothing, in the end.

But I have to keep on living, keep on trying. For Tohru. For Haru.

And for me.


	12. Chapter 11

**_Chapter E-lev-en! Can you believe it? Not sure I can...thanks again to Tuliharja and lavillalover. You guys are the reason I got another one out so fast! Review me and I'll review you, blah blah blah. The story's heating up now, so I won't waste so much time with my ANs. Enjoy!_**

* * *

CHAPTER 11

"Momiji." Rin places a hand on my shoulder.

I jerk and glance over at her, surprised. I'd thought that she'd finally drifted off, but apparently not. "Huh?"

She very subtly tilted her chin towards the front of the bus. I follow her gaze, worry beginning to creep up in my chest. Sure enough, the bus driver is talking to someone in a neatly pressed suit, someone with short, light brown hair and cautious eyes that flicker ever so slightly away from the driver's watery gray ones.

_Kureno. _

My breath catches in my throat, and I look away quickly, ducking my head down. "What are we going to do now?" I murmur to Rin. We obviously can't let the Rooster catch us, but we also can't afford to make a dash for it. We're both too distinctive; we can't afford to wander the streets searching for Haru if there's a price on our heads. I have to admit that I never thought it would come to this. I imagined that we'd slip out unnoticed, and that people would only just be starting to miss us when we returned. But our escape was all but subtle, what with stealing Satsuki's car and being chased by Kagura. And now we're on this bus, and Kureno has that manner of standing that reveals him to be on a mission for Akito.

We're trapped.

"Okay, Rabbit," Rin hisses. "Now, I'd like to see you use the same magical powers that allowed us to move without gas, and _get us the hell out of here._"

Frantic. I feel frantic. But this is just another puzzle. Never mind that it's a timed one. There has got to be a way out.

It hits me.

This'll be dangerous. Destructive. It's also insane. But…for Haru…

I have to do it.

"Okay…okay," I whisper as my eyes flicker around, piecing together parts of the plan. The silver lighter peeking out of that sleeping man's pocket. The un-laminated corner of a paper advertisement above our heads. The fire extinguisher standing next to the small side door only two seats away from us.

Smoke. Chaos. Perfect.

"Great," she sighs. "Just great. So you've managed to trap us on public transportation, and we're about two seconds away from being cornered by Akito's right-hand man…"

_Shut up! _I think in annoyance, carefully grasping our neighbor's lighter between my middle and index fingers in a pincer-like manner. I pull it out slowly, making sure not to drop it, though my whole hand is trembling with excitement. If I'm caught now, people will think I'm some sort of pyromaniac, and then I'm going to be _arrested _unless Kureno can pull me out in time. Then again, prison might be a more acceptable option than Akito. Would I even be sent to prison? Or would it be more like a mental hospital?

"…and there we go, he's coming down the aisle, this is not good, Momiji, Momiji, are you hearing me?"

Kneel on the seat, reach up, run my finger along the side of the slim silver object…

"…he's about two yards away now, get the fuck down from there or he'll see you! He's looking around, damn good thing this bus is so crowded…"

_Yes. _The little flame flickered out and began nibbling on the ad. I shrunk down immediately as the paper caught fire, waiting for the talk in the bus to do the same.

"…he sees us. Yup, here he comes. It's over now. Momiji…"

Then the scream comes, and I could cry with relief.

_"Fire!"_

It's echoed by the many people in the small space, and they begin to rise, to crowd, to get between us and Kureno. Someone opens the emergency exit that I'd been eying, just as another lifts the fire hydrant and begins spraying like a soldier might shoot with a machine gun. It's almost comedic, but I can feel the heat warming the top of my head now, and there's no time to wait anyways. So I grab Rin's wrist and together we stumble for the exit, coughing as smoke saturates the air.

We have to be careful, now, because there are so many people and the last thing we need is to be hugged. It's good—we're almost through the door—when it happens.

It's a very young boy. He stumbles forward, tears streaming down his cherubic cheeks, and reaches out, wraps his pudgy little hands around Rin's slender ankle.

Two seconds later, the screaming has intensified tenfold, and I'm standing next to a huge black mare.

_"Shit,"_ I hiss, staring angrily at the ruined heap of what were her clothes. She lets out a horrified whinny, and as my gaze rises, I lock eyes with Kureno. This isn't good. This really, really isn't good. The only good thing is that we're out the door now, so it's not _immediately _evident that the horse came from a person that was just in the bus. That's what I tell myself, anyway.

Then I think, _stunt. _

"Thank you, everyone," I'm calling out before I can stop myself. Though my voice is small and high, a few passengers look at me wildly. I bow slightly. "This public stunt can be credited to Green Jade Circus, coming to your home in the near future. Thanks again." Then, though I know she'll kill me for it later, I'm swinging myself onto Rin's back and kicking my heels against her sides to get her going. She snorts furiously but begins to clop along soon after, soon lengthening her stride until it's a full-out gallop, straight through the streets. Air whips my blond curls against my forehead, threatening to push me over backwards, but I ignore it. This is like it was in the car, only better. Better because, though this may not be as fast, it's more insane, more daring. My fingers are knotted in her mane, and her back muscles move smoothly underneath me. I grin wildly, feeling hundreds of pairs of eyes on me as we sail through downtown.

But it can't last forever. Rin, mistress of subtlety, manages somehow to twist through a maze of streets and buildings before successfully getting us lost in a back alleyway, where no one's chasing us. There are a few faint yells from the nearby buildings, which soon die down to nothing. I exhale, slide off her back, and sit back against the wall. My skin feels battered from the air, while my head is ringing with exertion. I hear a small _poof _sound and know that Rin is once more human. Without talking or looking, I strip off my sweater and shirt and hand them to her, welcoming the feel of the cool air against my bare chest. There's a small grunt of appreciation and various sounds of struggling, then she sighs.

"That was good."

"Thanks." I can't tell if she's sarcastic or not. I glance sideways at her. My shirt is pulled forcefully over her torso, though it only stretches to about halfway down her forearms and four inches from her waist, and the sweater is pulled up like a skirt, the neckline stretched to fit her waist and the arms wrapped around and tied like a belt. It actually looks kind of good, in a very, very strange way, but there's no way I'm saying that.

As we sit there, staring at each other, there's suddenly the sound of shattering glass from farther down the alley. We freeze and whip our heads around to stare as a couple of men holding beer bottles totter towards us.

"You're the girl with the horse!" one of them laughs.

_Damn you, I'm not a girl. _

"Says she's for some Jade Circus," the other one snickers, watching me with oddly clear blue eyes. "I'm not buying it. Reckon it's some sort of zoo breakout."

"Yeah," the first replies. He has eyes for no one but Rin. "Don't know 'bout this one, though. Think she's little lesbo's girlfriend?"

"DAMN IT, I'M A BOY!" I yell, just as Rin spits out a string of curses.

The first man stops, looking surprised, but the second only chuckles roughly. "Think that they're pissed we found out about the breakout. Is that it, little toddlers? First that godforsaken cow, and now this. Hey, maybe it's actually a _farm _that these folks are escaping from!"

They continue their banter, but I pay them no more attention. My breath has completely vanished from my lungs, and I feel elated and crushed at the same time. All I know is that I now have the energy to spring forward as Rin grasps the second man in a headlock.

"Tell us," I snarl, "what happened to that cow."

Tensing up, he lifts his head, eyes less lucid now. He's not going to argue. That would be pathetic. There's a small _clink _as his bottle hits the ground, and he raises the now empty hand to gesture over his shoulder.

Rin releases him, straightening her sweater-skirt before we take off running. We don't even bother to look at each other. We both know what the other is thinking.

_Haru. _


	13. Chapter 12

_**Very short AN this time- thanks to Tuliharja once more. Enjoy the chapter!  
**_

* * *

CHAPTER 12

The idea that we're actually, truly, finally about to find him fuels me like nothing else. Here we have a lead—a real, material lead to work off of, and that fuels me better than any food. I smile softly as we move, imagining seeing him again for the first time, running up and wrapping my arms around him, telling the story of how we worked so hard, seeing his grin and feeling him ruffle my blonde hair, and that moment that I've been anticipating ever since Rin and I set off, that moment when I'll be nestled up close to him and there will be nothing but me and him, him and me—

We skid down the alley until we come to a dead end. Rin slams her fists against the bricks, tears forming in her large, dark eyes, and I drop to the ground next to her. _How? Why? _I can't even express the fury that's rising up inside of me. _Damn it! _Why hadn't we demanded that the man be more specific? _How could we let this happen? _

I'm staring at the wall without speaking, despite the calamity inside of me. I find words tumbling out of my mouth, and don't bother to stop them. "Rin…we have to find him."

"Of course," she replies in a growly voice, still staring daggers at the chipped bricks. "That damned drunkard isn't going to be hanging around. What the hell do we do now?"

_What do we do? _I squelch down the insane anger burning in my chest and try to mull over the situation. My chocolate-colored eyes slip between the tall buildings surrounding us, until my gaze narrows in on a brightly painted brown-and-cream sign that stands out wonderfully among the neon ones of the shops around it.

"I say," I suggest quietly, "that we get ourselves a cup of coffee."

Her sightline flickers in the direction of mine, and if it was possible for her to smile, I think that, just then, she would have. "All right, Rabbit, but you're paying."

"'Course I am," I sniff, and we straighten up, turning for the coffee shop. It's the best we can do, really; it's not like we have anywhere else to go, and caffeine buzzes can actually be surprisingly useful. That's what I say to myself as we approach the shop, ignoring several odd glances shot our way. I need some goal to keep aiming for, to have set before me so that I know what direction I'm walking in. Without that…I'm lost.

I walk in first, shouldering aside the door and wincing slightly as an insanely perky bell chimes. Only a couple of heads glance up, one from a couch and one from the counter, but they stay facing us, and a few more curious pairs of eyes join them.

"Um…hi…" I begin, striding up to the counter. "Could I have a—"

Instead of responding, the cashier, who's a pale, red-haired woman in her mid-twenties, jabs a thumb over at a piece of laminated paper taped to the back of the register.

いいえシャツ、靴と、ないサービス

It's translated from the American phrase "No shirts, no shoes, no service."

"Damn it," I growl. "Rin—"

"Wait." The cashier, whose nametag reads _Mizuki, _holds up a green-nailed hand. "I have a sweater for you, if you want it."

"Thanks," I agree graciously. That was close. She smiles, a surprisingly nice-looking gesture, and pulls off her bulky purple number to reveal a white tee underneath. I accept it, glance at Rin, and then look back at Mizuki.

"We'll be right back," I tell her, meanwhile jerking my head towards the bathroom for Rin's benefit. They both nod, but only the Horse follows me over to the wooden door. I toss her the sweater, and she catches it between a finger and thumb before exiting into the lavatory.

Meanwhile, I lean against the wall, watching as about half of the café stares at me silently. Okay, shirtless sixteen year old boy wanders in, accompanied by a sweater-skirted, scantily clad, dark-haired, pale girl. Well, these are downtown residents. I'm sure they've seen stranger. I sigh through gritted teeth. This all feels more stressful than it strictly has to be. We go on a city bus and end up being tracked by Kureno. Head for a coffee shop and create a scene. It's ridiculous, really.

The door then creaks open, and Rin comes back out. If anything, she looks odder than before, with a sweater on each half of her body and her hair frizzy from static. I suppress a snicker, instead grabbing my shirt from her and pulling it on. There. We actually look somewhat normal again, save the sweater-skirt, which I still find strangely excellent-looking. Oh, well. I'm not exactly known for my fashion sense. Maybe I have some sort of clinical inability to judge these things. That's the sort of thing that Kyo or Ayame would say. I smile a bit at the thought of them agreeing on anything.

Rin and I head over to the counter once more, and Mizuki is ready this time, elbows propped up and hands cupping her chin. A curl of red hair has sprung loose from the hippie-like headband pulled over her forehead, and it now swings lazily in between her eyes. There's no way she doesn't notice, but she doesn't make a move to flick it away. For some reason, I find this endearing.

"What can I get ya?" she asks boredly. That accent…she's definitely American, despite her name.

"Black coffee," Rin orders without hesitating. Mizuki grins, still not fixing that dangling curl.

"All right. What size?"

The Horse's eyes rove over the price list, and she shrugs. "…Small."

"Sweet. Anything for you, blondie?" she asks of me.

Blondie. Okay, whatever. I've gotten into enough fights for the day. "Um…small turtle latte. Extra whipped cream, if you don't mind." Caffeine may be useful, but sugar is essential.

"Small black coffee and small turtle latte with extra whipped cream," Mizuki repeats, more out of amusement than confirmation, I'm guessing.

"You got it."

"'Kay, then, give me a moment." She's off—working a solo shift, it would seem. I lean against the counter and turn to Rin. "Any ideas?"

She raises an eyebrow. "What the hell kind of a question is that?"

"A reasonable one, I think. Can't stop me from checking."

"Evidently not," she murmurs, shaking her head. "I don't know, okay, Miji? We're just going to have to keep trying."

I start involuntarily. My name. She used a nickname. Never, ever, ever before has Rin done that for me—or for anyone, really, save Haru. I realize with a very odd sensation in the pit of my stomach that, unbelievably, I think we're becoming…_friends. _It's bizarre. But I think that it's true. She's by far my least favorite person in the entire Zodiac—well, minus Kureno, perhaps, and Akito—not to mention my current rival. But at the same time, going through this together has changed us. I really think that I might have found a lasting friendship in Rin. As I take my steaming paper cup from Mizuki, I start to think, _I can do that. _I can be her friend. The more I think about it, the more it's true. I've started to see whatever it is about her that Haru can admire, and I've begun to appreciate it, as well.

The thoughts are so out of place that I shake them off as I sink into a chair. Rin takes the one beside me, immediately taking a long sip of her coffee. I dunk my forefinger in whipped cream and lick it off, rejoicing in the sweet fluffiness. Some things in life are just plain good, and this is definitely one of them. When we do find Haru, I decide, we're coming back here, and he and I are splitting one of these lattes.

_That is, assuming that you'll still be together. It was always just for Rin's benefit, and now that she clearly cares about him, you never know what'll happen…_

Shut up. Shut _up. _Haru surely realizes as much as I do that our relationship has developed into something beyond what it initially was. Right? It _has, _hasn't it? This hasn't all occurred in my imagination? Even the thought of it all being credit to my disillusionment is tormenting. I focus on the whipped cream, on coating my finger in its soft whiteness over and over and over. I feel horrible now. Just moments ago, I was fine, and now…

"Hey, brighten up," Rin says gruffly. I glance over to see her glaring into the dregs of her cup. How she could have drank it all already is beyond my level of comprehension. My only guess is that she's had quite a bit of practice.

"Yeah, 'kay. Sorry. I'm just…"

"Disappointed?"

Not really. More like I'm trying to figure out if the boy I love even thinks of me as more than a tool to get to you with. "Yeah. We were so close, and then…"

"We're still close," she promises. "I can feel it. Soon, we'll find him. And then everything will be alright."

Rin reassuring me? Is this possible? Unable to help myself, I grin into my coffee. I can't help it; the sound of her saying 'Everything will be all right' is just too hilariously out of place. Immediately feeling ashamed for finding humor in such a serious situation, I return to doggedness. It would seem that my emotions are determined to stay ahead of me. Irritated, I take a long sip of the coffee, which is effectively hidden under layers of cream, chocolate, and cinnamon. Perfect. I let the sugar-caffeine mixture course through my body, reviving me. A few long gulps later, the cup is drained and Rin is rising to her feet next to me.

I spring up, rejuvenated, and send the empty coffee cup sailing into a nearby trash can. Rin watches me expressionlessly, amazingly composed for someone who just chugged a mug of black coffee. I meet her dull, dark eyes with a soaring energy that only sugar can pull out of me (though it does do so rather often). "Shall we?" I ask jubilantly.

"Talk about hyper," she growls, but I swear I can see a glint of a smile in her eyes. She stretches luxuriously before standing up, and then swings her arms back and forth a couple of times.

"Are you _trying _to irritate me?" I joke as she starts towards the door at an infuriatingly slow pace. "C'mon, don't we want to get out there and get looking before my buzz wears off?"

"From what I know about you, it'll never wear off," she retorts.

"You've _got _to be kidding."

"Back at you. Don't you realize how insane you always are in school?"

We're actually playfully chattering. It's unbelievable. I'm just beginning to feel happy again when we walk out the door.

And there he is.


	14. Chapter 13

**_Well, here's XIII- it's a little late; sorry about that. There are a couple of POV shifts throughout this chapter, so just try to stay on top of them, okay? _:) _Only a few more chapters after this...it's hard to believe that "Lace Cuffs" is coming to an end. There's still plenty to resolve, though (goody!). Thanks for the inspiration to write this one goes to the awesome reviewers, including Tuliharja, Experienced Author, Airu74, and Honorary-Weasley-Lover, and the "Jolly Sailor Bold" song from the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie, both of which helped me out a ton with my slight writer's block here. Only 3 more days of school left for me!_**

* * *

CHAPTER 13

He's not wearing any of his usual punk-type clothes, but rather a gray sweater and dark jeans. His hair is mussed up but clean. He's looking at us with a sense of surprise, more than anything else, and it looks very innocent in his brown ox's eyes. There's no one else with him.

These thoughts cycle through my mind as I stare silently. The whole world around us seems to have faded, so that the only ones left are Haru, Rin, and I. I'd imagined this moment so many times, this moment when I finally got to see him again. I thought I'd run up, hug him, even kiss him. But now there's nothing. Just shock. Out of all places, we find him here, outside of a coffee shop.

_We found him._

Not cowering in an alleyway, not dying on a livestock farm, not sitting hunched in the corner of a nightclub. But here. On the streets. Looking, for all the world, completely normal.

Rin's staring at him with huge, wide, dark eyes, and he's gazing back, the shock in his expression slowly replaced by casual puzzlement. They're staring at each other so intently…

Suddenly, everything returns to me in a rush of color and sound, and I feel nauseous. It's like I was running, then tripped, and now the world's caught up with me again. Everything seems to swerve. I stumble slightly backwards, grab at a bike rack to stay on my feet. I feel dizzy. Things are spinning. Slowly, I lower myself to the ground, press my forehead against the cool metal that I'm clinging to, and try to get a grip on myself. _Come on, you're stronger than this! _Breathing heavily, I manage to pull myself back together. My eyes rise up to Haru and Rin. They're still standing there in complete stillness.

"Rin," he finally says, quietly.

Her eyes flash with some emotion, and, to my utter disbelief, begin to fill with tears. This is Rin, Isuzu Sohma, and she's standing in public, tears swelling in her eyes and rolling down her flushed cheeks. I'm completely astounded. Why is she _crying? _Shouldn't she be happy? We found him! We found him, finally…

She mouths his name. _Haru. _Still with the blush and the tears, which are clustering in her long eyelashes now. And then he smiles, very slightly, takes her up in his arms, and kisses her, right here, in front of everyone.

* * *

_"NOOOOOOOOOOOO! NO! Ah-AH! NO! STOP! It hurts, IT HURTS! AHHHHHH!"_

_"Akito-san! Akito-san, what is it? Tell me!"_

_"NOOOO!"_

_"Kureno-san? Can you tell me what's going on?"_

_"…Yes."_

_"HELP MEEEEEEEEEE!"_

_"He's just lost another. He's lost another member of the Zodiac."_

_"HEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!"_

_"But this is so much worse than last time!"_

_"Can you tell me who it is, Akito? Please, we need you. Just say who it is that you lost. It's okay. We'll help you. Just tell us."_

_"Isuzu…ISUZU! ISUZU AND HATSUHARU!"_

* * *

Something inside me wrenches, and then I'm holding onto the bike rack again, holding on for dear life as the world spins again—not the physical world, this time, but rather my mental one. My life, somersaulting around, bits of it breaking off and shattering into nothing. All I can do is keep my hands wrapped around this cold silver bar. Only one thought is clear in my mind.

_You were so stupid, Momiji._

_So ridiculously, endlessly stupid._

There was never anything between us, never anything at all. _So _stupid. I had tried all this time to use Rin to bring him back, but this is beyond that. I might as well not be here whatsoever. There's only them. Not me. Not him and me. There was never a him and me. Never an 'us.' Only a 'them.' Haru and I were no more really together than Rin and Shigure. _Me. I was so goddamn stupid. _Of course I'd end up as the one with nothing left. _Of course._

_It wasn't her! _I want to cry. I want to run up and take Haru by the shoulders and scream to him that _I'm _the reason we're here right now, that Rin didn't even want to come, that I was always the one working to find him, evading Kagura and Kureno, setting a bus on fire, fibbing about the stupid circus, brainstorming ways to escape a pair of drunken men, while she did nothing but sit and complain. I want to tell him that, but I can't, because he's too busy making out with her. All this—all this work—and now all he can do is embrace her and ignore me?

_If you really loved him, _an unsquashable little voice inside me insists, _then you'd be happy right now, not jealous._

_Get out of my goddamn mind, _I tell it.

_But don't you see? You wouldn't care about 'them.' You'd only care about him. When you love someone, it's not the same as loving both of you as a couple. The only thing that matters is that person, and that that person is alive and well and happy. That's love. And if you were in love, that's how you'd feel._

_And where are you getting these delusional ideas? _I think tiredly.

_It's how you feel about Tohru._

I start, because the voice is right. It _is _how I feel about Tohru. Of course Yuki annoys me, as did Kyo, before, but that doesn't make me feel indignant at her. It makes me feel frustrated at myself, for not being good enough for her.

_That doesn't matter, _I insist to myself frantically. _You love Haru. You have to love him. This can't all have been for nothing. All this torment, all these conflicting emotions that you had to fight past… there has to be something you were fighting _for! _This can't be _it!

I think these things, over and over, trying to flatten the spiky doubt that's rising up inside me, but the attempt only hurts more. I'm so completely lost. I don't know how I feel about anyone right now.

But there's Haru. Right in front of me. Crouched down. Smiling.

"Hey, Miji," he greets me softly. "You doing all right?"

I want to do a thousand things at once. Hit him. Kiss him. Scream. Run. Die. Smile. What I do is cry.

It starts out as a hacking sort of sob, almost a cough. Then my eyes start burning, and I feel moisture convalesce inside of them, slowly dripping out. Childish whimpers are coming out of me. I feel ridiculous, sitting here crying, but at the same time, I just don't care anymore.

"Momiji?" he asks anxiously, taking my face in his hands and looking into my eyes. But I can't bear it. I jerk my head away.

"Let's just go," I get out over the tears. "Okay? Let's just go home."

He hesitates, and a hint of disbelief slithers into me. He _is _coming home, isn't he? After all this, can he possibly leave us behind?

-HARU-

Haru sucked in a breath, staring miserably at the little blond Rabbit. Momiji was the reason that he had ran away in the first place. Momiji and Rin. And it was as clear to him as anything could be that Momiji didn't realize how much torment he'd caused Haru. He probably didn't even think himself to be the reason the Ox ran away. _Don't you understand? _Haru thought sadly as fat tears slipped down the cherubic boy's flushed cheeks. _It was because of you. Things were never meant to be like this between us. We're friends, Momiji. Don't you realize that? Now that I have her…now that I have Rin…we don't need to pretend anymore. We can go back to how it was. Things were so much easier that way, right? Right? _But he knew that the Rabbit wouldn't understand. Momiji thought that he loved Haru. _Does he know what real love is? _

He sighed, reached out a hand, and ran it through Momiji's golden curls. He couldn't give him what he knew he wanted. Things were clear again now, for him. Eventually, the Rabbit would learn his own place, as well.

_But until then…_

_I can't hurt you anymore. Oh, God, Momiji. Anything that can make this easier for you…anything. _

"Okay," he said gently, standing up again. "Okay. We're going back."


	15. Chapter 14

**_Yuck. Okay, MAJOR writer's block this time around. Blah. Thanks to all the reviewers, of course. And, no, it's not quite over yet, though I think there are only two or three more chapters (too lazy to check the outline I wrote out). Sorry if this sucks, especially the end. I know it's ultra-angsty. Oh, well. Enjoy, I hope. _**

* * *

CHAPTER 14

I sit in the front seat of Mizuki's car, because I can't stand to be with the others. They're so happy, so miserably, cuttingly happy, that it makes me want to scream in agony every time I catch a glimpse of them. They think that things are okay this way, but they're wrong. They don't understand. I knew this might happen, that I might be the one left out, but it still kills to realize that I actually am. It's the difference between imagining the sharp, hellish cold of a bleak tundra and being thrown out into one. And now that I'm on that tundra, I'm lost. There's nowhere for me to go. _Where's North from here? _Nowhere. There is no North anymore. No goal of finding Haru to head towards. All I can do is slump back in the seat of this car—ironically, an Isuzu—and wait limply for us to arrive.

I suppose I should be happy. Mizuki was kind enough to come out and close shop early, volunteering to drive us as soon as she found out we didn't have a ride. Some people in the world are genuinely nice. Mizuki. Tohru. _Tohru. _The thought of her results in a physically painful squeeze in my chest. I stopped crying a while ago, but the tear trails still itch on my cheeks, their saltiness burning my skin. Everything about me is pain. It's insane. The invisible lace cuffs around my wrists have tightened, shrinking until they cut into my skin, putting a stop to my blood circulation, leaving my hands pale and trembling. Torture, this is torture. I lean against the chilled glass of the car window, watching life flash by. There are murmurs in the back seat, but I ignore them. There's nothing they have to say to me. I let my eyes slump shut for a moment, but the lids burn, and I'm forced to open them again. I won't be able to sleep again if I can't close my eyes. But do I want to? Sleep means dreams, and dreams mean nightmares—or, worse yet, blissful visions of myself with Haru, myself happy, joyful, from which I'll wake elated, then feel the chilly weight of the truth settling down on me.

The truth. The truth is that Haru loves Rin, and Rin loves Haru. They always have been that way, and everyone knew it, though few were aware that they were actually together. Haru was always there for me, but only as a friend. Someone who could delay the clench of the lace cuffs, but never fully sever them.

What was between Haru and me wasn't love. Not the romantic love that I'm looking for. But I can't accept that. Why can't I accept it?

_The reason you were together was Rin. Rin brought you together, and now she's pulling you apart. Haru got what he wanted. And she did, too. I guess they're together again. Well, obviously. Hopefully Akito won't find out. Then they can be happy. They can. Not you, but them. That's good enough, isn't it, Momiji?_

_Isn't that good enough?_

No. No, no, no, it isn't good enough. I'm selfish. There, I admitted it. I'm a treacherously selfish person, and Haru deserves better. Haru deserves Rin. Who he has. But, because I'm that selfish person, I can't go along with that knowledge. The story can't end here. I won't let it.

It's not my business to keep trying for Haru. But I know, I'm positive that I will anyway. I can't help myself. It's like a drug. He's like a drug. And I'm like an addict.

But, if Haru is a drug, Tohru is the sunshine. And no one can live without sunshine.

There are tears running down my cheeks again, but Mizuki is kind enough to ignore them, and that Haru-Rin monster in the backseat is effectively engrossed in itself.

Only a few minutes pass, though, before our driver is speaking quietly to me.

"He was your boyfriend, wasn't he?" she asks.

The guess strikes home like a bolt of lightning, but I try not to let it show. "How do you know that she wasn't my girlfriend?"

Mizuki doesn't smile, which I find rather relieving. What she does is answer me with a rather startling efficiency, and I'm disconcerted for a moment.

"When I gave you clothes, she went into the bathroom alone. You weren't with her. I can tell by the way you talk to each other that you're very familiar, but if you were that far in a relationship, you'd go into the bathroom together—also to avoid the attention you were getting; I could tell you didn't enjoy that and would avoid it however possible. But you didn't go in, and she wasn't at all perturbed about it. Voila: you aren't together. Meaning that you and him were."

"Smooth," I mumble, too tired to be creeped out by how observational of us she was apparently being. "Well, yeah, we were together. Kind of. It wasn't anything, really."

"It was obviously something."

Now she's rubbing my fur the wrong way. "Quit with the nosiness already. I thought we had more than we did. Happy now?"

Mizuki sighed and shook her head. "I'm not happy, because it obviously didn't turn out for you whatsoever."

"You're right," I retort. "It didn't. But it's none of your business. So please, just…let me think?"

"Let you think, or let you mope?"

I decide to ignore her for the time being. She's nice, but that's not enough to make this obnoxious interrogation okay. I don't want to have to talk to anyone. It's so much easier to just sit here and let my mind wander. But even as my focus drifts around my mind, it remains solidly chained to one topic, from which is can wander only a small distance. The topic, needless to say, is Haru.

_Why can't I just forget about you? Why can't I just let you go? _

He's going to want to keep being my friend, I know that. And Rin might, as well, after all we've gone through. But how in hell am I going to be able to bear that? I can't. I won't. I'm just going to have to sever all connection with them, and eventually, maybe, possibly, hopefully I'll be allowed to forget about them completely. I can focus on my school life, my life outside of the Zodiac, outside of love.

Outside of the Zodiac, outside of the Zodiac.

For some reason, those words echo in my mind, and I can't shake them. Something is bothering me. Something about the Zodiac. I shiver slightly. What is it that's nagging at me?

And then, as suddenly as glass breaks, I know.

Haru and Rin, the two people sitting in the backseat and chatting with surprising animation, are just that. Two regular people. I can feel it, feel my supernatural connection with them severed.

They've been freed from the Zodiac.

Now that I know this, I can feel it thrumming inside me, in the car's atmosphere, in every particle of air and moisture. They're gone, the Ox and the Horse. Haru and Rin are completely ordinary people again. There's nothing inside of them but themselves.

I realize that, if I were to lean over and hug Rin right now, I would transform.

This knowledge hurts, stabs deeply inside me. Kyo, Haru, Rin. They're all being freed. Will I be, too? Yes, if things continue at this rate. But the problem is, at this point, being released from the burden of the Rabbit's spirit won't solve anything. Nothing that matters to me.

But…

_I'll be able to hug Tohru. _

It's such a pathetic little scrap of hope that I can't even bring myself to fully cling to it. I don't quite let it be torn away, either, though. Tohru. Tohru is one thing that I can keep striving towards, even through this blinding misery. She's still there, and I know that if I reached out a hand for help, she'd grasp it and pull me out of this vortex of desperation. Everything's coming back to me now, everything about That Night, and I need Tohru to help save me from it.

Everything else can be cast aside. Nothing else matters as much as this.

This essential, desperate need to see Tohru.

"Remind me of the address?" Mizuki asks Haru as we drive along. I note that we're very near the Sohma estate, and a mixture of terror and elation grips my heart. My stomach flips.

"Oh—the entrance is just up here," he instructs her, his voice gentle and happy. He's not nervous. He knows that he's been freed, and all that matters to him right now is Rin. It's so obvious it's painful. I grit my teeth and glare at nothing, trying to avoid jealousy.

"All right, then." Mizuki pulls over. "Here we are."


	16. Chapter 15

**_Chapter Fifffff-teen! Thanks to all the reviewers. This one's actually the longest chapter yet, I think, and I feel pretty good about it...plus I did it in ONE FLIPPING DAY! ;D School's been out for a couple days, and this story will be done in a couple more!_**

* * *

****CHAPTER 15

I open the car door and tumble out in my eagerness to get away from the lovey-dovey atmosphere radiating from Haru and Rin. I inhale a deep, clear breath, straighten my posture, and look up at the entrance to the Sohma home. The day has grown beautiful, and the white walls glimmer in the sunlight like fresh snow. Everything screams _spring _at me. Spring, a time for new beginnings. The only thing I feel inside me right now is the fresh fear of something soon to be cut off, a premature ending. My one hope is that perhaps this removal of old weeds will leave room for new growth.

_Who am I kidding? _There's no one else that I love, no one other than Haru, who's happy in his relationship, and Tohru, who Yuki has more right to than anyone. They all love Tohru, every one of them, except for Akito, perhaps. Am I just another of the crowd? The thought stings, and I try to throw it aside. My feelings for Tohru are beyond simple affection.

_Of course, that's what you thought about Haru, too. You thought that the two of you had something. And clearly…_

And clearly, we didn't. I know, I know. I know. Just leave me alone.

"Hey, blondie," comes a shout from the car.

I shake myself, returning to reality, and glance back. Mizuki's leaning out of the driver's seat, grinning into the wind. "Were you gonna thank me?" she calls, raising her dark red eyebrows. I feel immediately guilty for _not _thanking her before, and wonder at how she manages to stay lighthearted and almost joking about it.

"Yeah." I smile back, just a little. "Thanks." And I don't just mean thanks for the ride. I also mean thanks for the forcing me not to mope, thanks for the springboard that's launched me into some sort of form of something that just might be hope. She understands my double meaning, from the glint in her eyes and the careful head tilt. Then Haru and Rin clamber out of the backseat, and Mizuki salutes me before backing out and driving away. I stare after her for a while, thinking. In some ways, she was like Tohru. But really, this woman was entirely unique. She didn't just help with what we asked for. She went beyond, delved into more personal territory, and I feel like things might turn out all the better for it.

They just might.

"Well." Haru strides up, Rin a half step behind, hands in his pockets. "I wonder what people are going to say when they see me."

I shrug. For an indiscernible reason, I actually feel awkward talking to him. It's bizarre, almost as if the Haru that I missed so desperately was partially fabricated in my mind. All that anticipation of a romantic reunion, and now we're sitting here, separated by a few feet of cement, him looking over my shoulder and I looking hard at the gate to the Sohma estate. I swallow, trying not to just give up and shriek in annoyance. _Come on! If nothing else, we're friends, aren't we? _I find myself wondering if things might have been different had we not met so unexpectedly. What if there was a dramatic chase down an alleyway, following his oblivious, gangly figure, and we finally got him, panting with exertion, cornered him against a wall, and he turned to us, shock—not mild surprise, which I'm used to seeing, but genuine _shock_—evident in those dark chocolate eyes? Would things be like this then, if I had been in front and Rin only trailing behind me? Would he have seen me instead of her in her little sweater skirt? Somehow, would _my _curse be broken right now instead of his?

Well, it doesn't matter how things could have been. What's relevant is that, as much as I might wish otherwise, this is the way everything has settled, and I'm just going to have to deal with it.

"Momiji, Rin—is that Haru-kun I see?"

I start and whirl around to see Shigure striding up the sidewalk, smiling, decked out in the usual traditional robes that he likes to think of as appropriate dress for a writer. He waves jauntily, and I raise an eyebrow in response, annoyed but not altogether surprised that he can be so nonchalant about the fact that a good as dead boy has returned, courtesy of Rin and me.

"Yup, it's me. How are you, Sensei?" Haru asks, slightly bored-sounding. My eyes rove back and forth between the two of them. Both are putting up something of a cold front, which is unusual for neither, I must admit. Still, I can't deny that I'm impressed by their ability to remain neutral in times like this.

"Oh, you know, quite well. You, though—I heard that you've been very busy of late. Running off and such. Did Momiji manage to bring you back?"

"Obviously. With Rin's help, of course," he adds smoothly. "So, it's a nice day, getting to be evening, the sort where anyone with an 'outside' home would eagerly stay there and avoid Akito. What's your business here?"

_Avoid Akito? _That was gutsy. True, of course, but still. I've never quite erased my fear of hidden cameras strategically positioned on the property.

_Don't forget, though—Haru is free from the curse. He can say whatever he wants, go wherever he pleases. Not so much for you. _

The Dog lets out an appropriately barking laugh. "Yes, well, I'm here to meet somebody."

Rin hisses, and I look over at her, surprised. She seems to be impatient with the cutting banter passing between the two men. That's when I realize that we're all here. The ones that started this entire thing. First it was just Rin and Haru. Then they broke up, and Rin began going out with Shigure—supposedly, though I'm not necessarily about to believe that quite yet—and Haru chose me as his offense. The couple and the other two, the other two who, truly, were the ones to bring them back together. We're all here.

"Who might that be?"

I'm drawn back into the conversation by Haru's casual inquiry. It's a good question. Who _was _Shigure meeting with, here? Any other Zodiac member would come to his house. Could it be Akito himself?

"Incidentally…" He grinned. "My editor."

The three of us stare at him in complete silence, Haru looking mildly nonplussed, Rin horrified, and I most likely outright startled. His editor. Isn't she the one always trying to commit suicide to get away from him? Wow. Something must have changed in our absence.

"Why the hell would she want to meet you here?" Rin finally spits out.

"Oh, please. Isn't it obvious? We're going on a date…" He winks. "…and wanted to get out of the house, so that she's not reminded that I happen to be the bane of her existence as well as her boyfriend."

If we were nonplussed, horrified, and startled before, we're now the same emotions multiplied about twelve times over.

"Interesting," Haru finally says.

"Isn't it? I have to admit that I myself am pleasantly surprised. It is a nice…ah, Mit-chan! There you are!"

Mitsuru, that was her name. And here she is now, stumbling up in between Haru, Rin, and I, looking much less stressed out than usual. She nods a few times, her large eyes flickering around nervously. "H-hello, everyone," she greets us tentatively.

I attempt a smile and a small finger wave. Haru salutes her boredly, and Rin just glares. Mitsuru looks appropriately frightened, which I really can't blame her for. We definitely don't look all that well, especially Rin with her sweater skirt.

Shigure smiles and walks up behind her. "Aw, come on, Mit-chan," he whines playfully. "Let's leave these weirdos behind. We can go enjoy ourselves alone, right?" And then, before three pairs of eyes, he pulls her into an embrace, robed arms wrapping firmly around her small, trembling body.

* * *

_"Ah—AAAHHH!" _

_"Shh, shh, Akito."_

_"It—AH—"_

_"Was it another one?"_

_"Y-yes…he promised…HE PROMISED!"_

_"Shush, it's all right. I'm here. I'm here. Tell me who it is, if you need to. Would that make it better, Akito?"_

_"I—I—I can't…"_

_"You're doing much better this time. It's getting easier, isn't it? I know it is. Just hold on. Hold onto me. You don't have to say who it is."_

_"But he promised…!"_

_"Who prom—oh. Oh, Akito, it's all right."_

_"He SWORE! HE SWORE HE WOULDN'T LEAVE ME!"_

_"I know, I know. But I'm still here. I'm here."_

_"You're going to leave…will you leave me, too, Kureno?"_

_"My curse broke long ago; you know that. You know that, don't you?"_

_"Y-yes."_

_"But I'm still here. I'll always be here for you, even if all the others leave."_

_"Wh-why?"_

_"Hm?" _

_"Why would you stay?"_

_"Oh, Akito…isn't it obvious? I'll stay because I love you."_

* * *

I gasp in shock. I can't help myself. So does Rin, though Haru manages not to react. Shigure, though, only smiles at us over Mitsuru's head, as if to say, _See? I'm free. I wanted to be released, and so I am. I dare you to be, as well. _

I wonder if he knows that they are, as well. I'm the only one left here who's still bound by the curse. The notion of it breaking soon feels like a gift just waiting to be unwrapped. I may not enjoy what's inside, but the excitement and anticipation make it what I want more than anything.

"So, I suppose we'll be off," Shigure continues as if nothing has happened. "I'll see you around, hm? Nice to have you back, Haru."

"Wait." I hold up a hand and shake my head. "Slow down. You can't just…I mean, something's up here." Damn, I'm trapped. Obviously, I can't be more specific with that editor around.

"You really think so? I'm not allowed to have a healthy romantic relationship?"

"_Shigure._"

"Nice try. Toodles!"

I fume as he prances away, Mitsuru anxiously trailing behind him. I hear them mention the name of what must be some obscure sushi place, and grind my teeth.

"He really does excel at being infuriating, doesn't he?" Haru muses boredly.

"No shit," Rin agrees in disgust.

This is the time when the whole Rin-dating-Shigure topic would be brought up. But neither of the two mention it, and I'm not about to. So we stand there quietly until I finally speak up.

"Um…so, are we going to go in?"

Haru seems to snap out of some sort of stupor. "Ah, yes. Let's see…" He trails over to the gate and tilts his head up, eyes roving the sky. Probably checking for helicopters or sprites or something. What can I say? The guy does some pretty strange things.

Just then, there's a cry and some scuffling from the other side of the gate. Haru grins. "Ah, the wonderful world of video cameras. Took you long enough to notice us," he added as a sleepy-eyed but still frantic Kagura stumbles out. She rushes over to us, and her head snaps back and forth as if she can't decide who to look at. "Rin, Momiji…Haru! Oh my goodness, you came back! I thought that you two had run away, like that he had inspired you to or something, but—"

"But they brought me back." Haru smiles softly. "Surprised?"

"Well…actually, yes, very surprised," she stammers. "So, then…but why did you run from me? Oh, you two, don't you realize that now the whole family is worried about you?"

"I didn't think they'd care _that _much," I admit, ever so slightly mollified. Kagura shakes her head in tired but ever so slightly amused exasperation.

"What will I ever do with you?" she murmurs. "Well, all right. There's no use just standing out here; it's getting late, the dark will be setting in soon. Okay, let's get you three inside."


	17. Chapter 16

_**Chapter 16 has arrived, right on schedule. We're really, really, REALLY close to being done now—and by that, I mean one more chapter type-close. Is everyone ready? Any predictions? Comments? Please review! This is another long chapter, by the way. Exactly 2,000 words, same as the last. Anyways—you folks don't care about that. On with the story!**_

CHAPTER 16

Kagura leads us into the estate, and starts up the path leading towards her home. I've been there before, back when she was one of my closest friends. It's a nice, cozy little place, nothing too fancy. She'll be a good mother, if she ever has children, and I can't help but expect that she will.

"So, you're all feeling okay?" she asks anxiously as we trundle after her. "I can't help but think we ought to do something celebrating all of your return. You wouldn't mind, would you?"

She's changed, I realize. Her fierceness seems to have settled down in the day or so since we last saw her. I'm actually not sure how long it's been, seeing as I was asleep on the bus for a good portion of the time. Could we possibly still be in that same day when I woke up and went to see Tohru? There's no way that's possible. A night must have passed at some point.

Anyhow, this shift in Kagura takes me by surprise. Why isn't she running up to us with fire in her eyes and hugging/punching us insanely? Something's changed about the Boar.

And then I realize it.

She isn't the Boar anymore.

My head spins, and I find myself stumbling sideways. Shocked and worried voices assault my ears, echoing strangely, and before I know it, I'm kneeling, grit digging into my legs. I place my palms on the ground, steadying myself as the world swims back into place. Kyo, Haru, Rin, Shigure, and now Kagura. That's nearly half of us. I breathe slowly, and a slow shiver passes through my body.

Gradually, one voice makes itself heard above the muddle that's splashing in my ears.

"Momiji," he intones. "Momiji, are you okay?"

_Are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay?_

"I'm fine," I manage to stammer, squeezing my eyes shut as everything around me takes a particularly jolting spin. "Just…dizzy."

"He hasn't eaten all day," I hear someone else saying. Then the ground vanishes from under me, and I realize that Haru's lifting me up into the air, swinging me onto his back like he used to when we were younger. I fasten my arms around his neck and bury my face in his shoulder, trying to envision the last time we'd done this. It was a long time ago, a very long time ago. Back when we were little kids, before Tohru, before we realized how much of a curse the Zodiac really was. But it was after That Night, I know. After I found out how much my own mama hated me, and yet when it seemed to be too small of a thing to ruin my entire life over.

_Damn you, hormones. Damn you to the deepest pits of hell._

"I'm fine," I insist, raising my head. "I just…Kagura, you…"

She realizes what I'm trying to communicate, and smiles wryly. "I know. I'm sure it'll happen soon enough for the rest of you."

"Already did," Haru grumbled. I can feel his back and shoulders purr with the vibration of his speech. It's comforting, as is his low voice.

"Really?" the Boar—no, not the Boar, the brunette woman—asks with evident surprise. "Well, then. I wonder how many others it's happened for? Ritsu, I know. Ours broke at the same time."

_Ritsu, as well?_

"Me, Rin, and Shigure are all we know," Haru ticks off. "There could be more, though. As a matter of fact, every Zodiac member I've seen today isn't one anymore, 'cept for Miji."

_Every Zodiac member. _My stomach heaves. Is it possible, somehow, that all of their curses have broken save mine? Haru, Rin, Shigure, Kagura, Ritsu, and Kyo makes six, and that's half, or at least as close as you can get to it with an odd number. So what about the others—Ha'ri, Aaya, Yuki, Hiro, Kisa, Kureno, and me?

"Five," Kagura murmurs. "Wow, that's nearly half. How fast have they—"

"Six," I interject.

She glances over at me, and Haru turns his head in order to be able to see my face better.

"Six? Really?"

"Yeah. Kyo, too. I saw him making out with Tohru's Yankee friend at school the day Haru ran away," I say tonelessly.

"Kyo, too," she repeats in wonder. Rin raises an eyebrow, but Haru remains expressionless. The black-haired girl seems to be the only one to realize the full extent of what I've just said. "That's certainly quite a few. Are we sure that Momiji—"

"Yes," Haru interjects. He sighs slowly. "Enough talk, now. We're all hungry, Kagura-chan. Hungry and tired."

"R-right…" She looks at each of our faces, as if to check and see if anyone else thinks the conversation shift to be too sudden. All three of us remain impassive, and she seems almost to shrink back a little. "Yes. Okay. Let's get you some food. And then, would you mind if perhaps I called some of the others over for a little celebration? I can't help but…"

"Celebrate all you want." Haru shrugs, his shoulders shifting under my arms. "But if we want to rest, you have to let us."

"Fair enough," she agrees, and trots up to her front door. "All right, you two can sit on the couch—I think Momiji should get in the bedroom so that he doesn't faint again."

"I didn't faint," I say, annoyed.

Kagura opens her mouth to object, but Haru holds up a hand for silence. She shrugs as if to say _Not like I'm arguing with you, _and we file into her house. A few seconds later, we're in her bedroom, and Haru dumps me down unceremoniously. I realize that we're the only ones in here, and that the door is closed.

"Don't leave," I beg as he gets up to go.

He turns back to me, and I spend a moment doing what I wanted to when I first saw him again—taking in his face, framed by feathery, soft white hair, with those baleful, dark brown eyes in the middle, the slender chin and the mouth that isn't moving right now. "I miss you," I whisper. Not I missed you, but I _am _missing you still. _I don't feel like you've come back yet, Haru. _

He sighs slowly and lowers himself onto the end of the bed. "I thought about you a lot, you know. After I ran. I hung around with the owner of that coffee shop a lot. She was nice, even gave me food and bought me some new clothes. She understood me, you know? Told me that she hoped I'd head back, but if I didn't, I could always come back to her if I needed anything. I think that she might've had some issues when she was our age."

I snort in disbelief. American redhead Mizuki never had to be under a supernatural curse, never had to watch her own mother beg for her memory to be erased. There's no way that she has any idea what the true meaning of pain is.

Haru notices my reaction, and I can tell he disagrees with my dismissive outlook, but he doesn't say so. "Anyways, all that time, I was thinking about what I'd done for you. Really, Momiji, I didn't do anything more than pull a stupid trick."

"How so?" I challenge, my chest aching.

"I made you think that we were together, Miji-kun. I kissed you and held you and convinced you that those were feelings I had for you, and you alone. But I only did that because I missed Rin."

His words sink into me like daggers, and I yank my head away, unable to meet his gaze. "Why are you telling me this?" I hiss angrily. "Are you just trying to hurt me more?"

"What I'm trying to do," he says slowly, "is tell you that I love you."

I'm not believing that. No way am I believing that. Everything he's just said points the other direction. And yet I can't help but hold onto the tiny kite string of hope that's just been wound gently between my fingers. This is a gift, and not one I'm about to let go of. "You don't love me, Haru. I know you don't."

He closes his eyes for a moment. "I do, Momiji. I swear I do. I absolutely love you. But I'm not _in love _with you."

Of course. Of _course _there was some goddamn catch to this. "They're the same thing!" I wail. "You're just looking for a fancy way to say that you don't give a shit about me!"

"No! No, I'm not! Listen, you're my brother, my friend—isn't that enough? That's how it's been for years. It doesn't have to change now!"

"No," I agree, suddenly cold. "It doesn't have to. But that doesn't change the fact that I want it to with every fiber of my freaking being."

"You aren't in love with me," he says simply. "I find it obvious. I guess that you will, too. Eventually."

I silently shake my head, staring at Kagura's bedspread. It's cream-colored with little pastel flowers littering the surface.

The mattress shakes as he stands up. "Okay. I'll give you some time. Come out when you want to eat."

The door opens, and then closes. I wait five seconds, then let loose.

Crying, again. Crying so hard that I can't breathe, winding up the stupid flowered blanket in my fist and twisting it as hard as I can. I understand suicide now. I just don't want to live anymore. I wish it would just vanish, that I could float on that blissful void of space and nothingness.

I hear the opening and closing of the front door, and then a chorus of delighted voices. Judging by the flourish in the loudest one, Ayame is here. It would seem that Kagura is attempting to host some stupid party after all. Then there's a round of gasps and a girlish giggle, before a load of congratulations. I don't need it spelled out for me. I can tell that his curse is gone, too.

Slowly, more and more arrive. Shigure with his editor—they both seem a little drunk, certainly much looser than before. Kisa and Hiro, whose curses also seem broken, from the noise. Each time someone comes, I plead with myself that somehow, one of them will still be bound like me. But my wish isn't granted. Ha'ri's here, with Tohru's homeroom teacher, surprisingly, and so is Kyo, with Uo. That's a bit of a shocker. I wouldn't think he'd be the type to make their relationship so public. Practically everyone's here now from the Zodiac, save Yuki and Tohru, and with the obvious exception of Akito and Kureno. But I hear murmurs outside that God and the Rooster know about this little celebration, only they're not coming. It's only a drift of conversation here and there that I catch, but still en0ugh to make an impression on me.

"I hear that they're officially together now."

"Really? I wouldn't have targeted Akito as gay."

"They say _he's _actually a _she._"

"No kidding?"

"Yeah, and she's totally calm now. Not at all like her old self…"

Nobody seems to notice my absence. I don't care, not really. At least, I tell myself that I don't. I might as well have just been erased from everyone's memories, for all the attention I'm given. It's amazing how you can think people actually give a shit about you, and then be corrected so suddenly and harshly. I wonder if Tohru and Yuki are coming, and if so, if they'll arrive as a pair. Maybe they're on a date, and that's why they haven't made an appearance. My stomach wrenches at the thought, and I start crying again, like the pathetic kid that I resemble.

Then I hear a rise in the voices. And I know what it means.

They're here.


	18. Chapter 17

CHAPTER 17

Without even thinking about it, I find myself sliding off the bed, pacing towards the door. I need to see Tohru, need to see her like a man dying of thirst needs to drink water, so that even in his awareness that the cold, moisture-striped glass is booby-trapped somehow, he'll still reach forward and wrap his achingly dry fingers around it. Only for me, the glass isn't booby-trapped by an external, oppositional force. Instead, sipping from it will only inflict harm on me because of my own uncontrollable emotions. Seeing Tohru will only be a brief quench to my burning thirst if Yuki is with her. And I know he is, know he is by the tinkle of his sweet but slightly icy laugh that echoes from the living room.

The door creaks open under my light touch, and I'm greeted by a blast of color and sound. There are more people here than I initially thought, or so it seems. But when I take a closer look, the only people here I wasn't expecting are Saki and Megumi Hanajima, as well as a quiet, dark-haired girl that seems to be staying nearby Yuki. I edge towards the wall, trying to stay camouflaged, as there's a particularly loud burst of laughter from a corner of the room where Haru sits with Rin and a small audience, which includes Ritsu, Kisa, and Hiro, among others whom I can't identify from the back. He's holding a plastic cup of something that looks suspiciously like beer, and I wonder for a moment just how close of tabs Kagura has been keeping on her 'innocent' little party. There's a sudden swoosh of air from behind me, and I whip around to see that the bedroom door has closed again. It takes me about another second and a half to note that Shigure and Mitsuru have disappeared from the crowd. Somehow, I'm not all that surprised that the former Dog has seemingly managed to bring things to such an intimate level after what couldn't have been more than an hour at this party thing. You've got to give it to the guy; he has skill.

I can't see Tohru anywhere, but I know that I heard the sound of her voice earlier, so I keep looking. Kagura sidles over to the crowd surrounding Haru and slides an arm over Ritsu's shoulder in a surprisingly close way. My gaze flickers over the twinkle in her eyes, the slight relaxation of the muscles in the cross-dresser's feminine face, and something registers inside of me. So it wasn't Kyo that Kagura was in love with, after all. Unexpected, for sure. As I look around the room, I begin to realize that everyone in here is actually paired off. Kagura and Ritsu, Shigure and Mitsuru (though they're in the bedroom), Kisa and Hiro, Aaya and that maid of his—Mine, I think her name is—Ha'ri and the schoolteacher, Kyo and Arisa, and, most painfully, Haru and Rin. Even Akito and Kureno, though they're not here. I wonder if the rumors about God being a woman are true. For some reason, it's not difficult for me to believe.

Fragments of my conversation with Haru earlier drift back to me suddenly.

_" I swear I do. I absolutely love you. But I'm not _in_ love with you." _

_"They're the same thing! You're just looking for a fancy way to say that you don't give a shit about me!"_

_"No! No, I'm not! Listen, you're my brother, my friend—isn't that enough? It doesn't have to change now!"_

_"No, it doesn't have to. But that doesn't change the fact that I want it to with every fiber of my freaking being."_

It strikes me then that I don't want Haru to know that I'm out here. I'm not sure why, but I just don't. So I try to keep to the shadows as I inch around the room. _Come on, come on—_

There.

There she is.

_Tohru. _

I'm stumbling over towards her, her name is spilling out of my lips and my legs are moving underneath me, seemingly without messages from my brain, carrying me closer, closer to that lightly flushed, pretty but not beautiful face, those huge sapphire eyes that gleam with infinite kindness, the sparkling grin that comes straight from her heart. And then she's turning, turning to face me, just as I come to a halt before her. I realize that I'm actually looking down to her. For how long have I been the taller of us two? I never noticed.

"Momiji!" Tohru exclaims, glitter sparkling in the dark depths of her pupils. "Ah—you're here, you're here!"

She sounds so ditzy. It's ridiculous. All I can see are those gigantic blue eyes, that wide smile. Her light brown hair is completely down, something that rarely happens, and I like the way it frames her face in soft little waves. A faint smell of cherry emanates from those light, swishy curtains. The only thing that I want in this whole goddamn universe is to lean forward and kiss her, kiss her harder and softer and stronger and gentler than I've ever kissed anyone in my life, even Haru.

_Haru. _

It's as if I suddenly see his face superimposed over hers, dark brown eyes instead of pale blue ones, downy white hair instead of straight brown, pale skin instead of flushed pink, a sarcastic smirk instead of an open smile. And I feel completely nauseated. I don't want Haru to interrupt this moment. I want it to be in between Tohru and I, Tohru and I alone.

Something jolts inside of me, and my focus widens, until I'm looking past her shoulder, at something that I'm not supposed to be seeing by any means.

In the corner of the room, cloaked in shadow, is the unmistakable form of Yuki, and the shorter brunette girl is cradled in his arms.

Then everything's shooting away, like I'm soaring backwards through a blinding white tunnel. I open my mouth to scream, but the sound is ripped away from me. I can't see Tohru, can't hear anything but a rushing, a horrible, deafening rushing, which grows and grows to such a crescendo that I fear I'll never be able to hear anything again, ever, but this screaming, raging white noise, and then—

Everything stops.

I realize that my eyes were closed, and slowly open them. I'm lying on my back, in a meadow. The sky above is a beautiful, shimmering tapestry, and there are more stars in it than I knew existed in the entire universe. A soft breeze tickles my battered senses, and the only word I can conjure to describe how I feel right now is _magical. _

Shit. Did I just _die? _

"Okay," I'm murmuring. "Testing, testing. Am I dead?"

There's a very quiet sigh nearby, and I jerk into a sitting position, panting. "Who's there?"

The person comes slowly into my view, sitting cross-legged on the grass before me. She's very beautiful, dark-haired and pale-skinned, decked out in a black robe that somehow manages to add more curvature to her despite its simplicity. Or maybe it's just that I'm not used to seeing her as a woman.

"So you really are a girl after all," I say quietly.

Akito nods. She doesn't seem particularly happy, but she's not crying, only sitting there with eternities-old sadness in her eyes. "Yes. I am." The voice isn't how I remember hers being. It's lighter, softer, with a girlish lilt to it.

"Please don't tell me that I'm dead," I beg without pretense. "I didn't just get a heart attack or something, did I?"

"No. No, you didn't." She sighs again, this one long and heavy. "I don't think you're going to be very upset about what's happening now."

And then I understand. "My curse is broken."

"No, not quite yet. But almost. Almost. You're the last," she continues, meeting my gaze for the first time. She seems younger than I remember. "Kureno was the first, then Kyo, and the rest, one at a time. And now you. The little rabbit. No one ever paid all that much attention to you. You weren't a noticeable part of the Zodiac, ever. Just sat in the back of the banquet, eating your carrots."

I wait for more, and it comes after a brief pause.

"Well, this is it, Momiji."

"Wait." I hold up a hand, and suddenly realize that I'm wearing the same pajamas I did That Night. The ones with the too-tight lace cuffs. "Hang on. Why is the curse breaking now? What triggered it?"

She almost smiles. Almost. "Look inside yourself, and you'll see." Then she lifts a slim, light-looking pair of simple craft scissors. "Come here, now."

I scoot backwards, instead, the dampness of the grass soaking into the seat of my pajamas. "Wait. Are you going to slit my wrists or something."

"Of course not. Come on. Trust me."

It's not like I have any other choice, so I scoot up to her nervously. "Okay. Now what?"

"Your hand."

I give her my left hand first, the one that I can stand to lose the use of. She slides the blade of the scissors underneath the lace, positions them carefully, and _snip. _Just like that, one of the bindings falls away, and blood begins flowing back to my wrists. As I watch, the remnants of the cuff fall to the ground and begin to glow. I feel something inside of me lift. I extend my right hand without hesitation, feel the cool metal against the soft flesh of my inner wrist. It suddenly strikes me that perhaps I should say goodbye to the creature I've shared bodies with for so long, but _snip _and it's too late.

It's gone.

I think I see something hopping away out of the corner of my eye, something faint and wispy, but my gaze is stuck to the two severed cuffs, which are both glowing now, their light shooting up into the sky. They swirl together into a circle, which then shifts to a familiar pattern: yin and yang. Then I'm falling forward, into the void of light and dark, and shooting back through the rushing tunnel, but much faster this time, and before I know it, Akito, the peaceful night, and the blinding brightness are gone, and I'm standing in front of Tohru, who's still smiling cheerfully up at me as if nothing has happened.

_I'm free. _

I feel the truth burning inside of me with a fierce, delighted fire. I'm not the rabbit anymore. I'm just me. Momiji Sohma. I'm free of the curse, and with it, I'm also free of the false love, the crush on Haru that was holding me back all this time. Music and laughter pounds my eardrums, and I'm bringing myself closer to Tohru, wrapping my arms around her in the embrace that I've waited to give all my life.

"Momiji," she's gasping. "Your curse—"

"Gone," I whisper against her warm forehead. I tilt my head down so that we're eye to eye, brown to blue, blue to brown. "Gone forever."

And, suddenly, I know why it's gone. Starting with Akito and Kureno, then Kyo and Arisa, Haru and Rin, and so on and so forth until it finally reached me and Tohru.

Love. Love breaks the curse of the Zodiac.

That's when, finally, I'm pressing my lips against hers, letting myself sink into her, into Tohru Honda, the perfect girl that everyone loves, everyone, but no one so much as me. Momiji Sohma. Not Rabbit, but boy. Ordinary human boy.

For a moment, we break apart, and I catch Saki staring straight at me over Tohru's shoulder. Her pale lips curve into a smirk, and I hear her dark voice echoing clearly in my mind.

_Congratulations, Sohma-kun. _

I smile back, just for a moment, then wrap myself up in Tohru to celebrate away the night.

* * *

_**OMG! *obnoxious squeal* IT'S OVER! IT'S REALLY TRULY OVER! Wow, this is hard to believe. My first semi full-length fanfic: completed. Wow, wow, wow. 75 pages, 30,000 words, and 17 chapters exactly. Thanks eternally to all of my reviewers: Tuliharja, lavillalover, xxasianicexx, Alice, Airu74, Experienced Author, and Honorary-Weasley-Lover. All of you have helped me out a ton with this. I'm sure that the ending wasn't necessarily the one that some of you would have picked out, and I can honestly tell you that I do like Haru better than Tohru, but Haa-kun will always belong with Rin, and this is just how things turned out. I hope you all forgive me...! Please review telling me what you think of it. Thanks AGAIN to every single person who read this fic. May the Force be with you (that was out of place...)!**_


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